Missy Bo Kearns has described experiencing “a different type of grief” after having a miscarriage last month. The Aston Villa midfielder had announced her pregnancy just over two weeks before sharing the tragic loss of her and her partner Liam Walsh’s baby.
Speaking to ITV News, the 25-year-old said she thought she was experiencing symptoms from the pregnancy on 18 March when she was shaking and had a temperature of 42C but Aston Villa team doctor, Dr Jodie Blackadder-Weinstein, told her she needed to call Walsh and get to hospital.
“It was one of the biggest shocks of my life,” said Kearns, who found out she had lost the baby and had sepsis. “I’d literally been doing pilates and gym an hour before, and my whole life just changed like that.”
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They went through “four days of hell in hospital”, said Kearns. “I don’t think we realised how much we went through until now, when you sit back … I’m so thankful for the doctors here at Villa, they probably saved my life because I had sepsis, and while having that, I wasn’t even thinking about the sepsis, it was: ‘I’ve lost my child.’”
The psychological impact has been difficult and the England international said she hoped sharing her story would help others.
“People might not realise how much of a toll it actually has on someone. Obviously, everyone knows how hard it must be to lose a child, but because of the highs of finding out you’re pregnant, and the stress of being pregnant, and like, the worries of getting past the 12-week mark, it’s so stressful, even though it’s so exciting. To then have that crash, and then suddenly you’re not pregnant, and your hormones change, your symptoms start to go, like overnight, it’s a different type of grief.
“People don’t tell people that they’ve been through it. They suffer in silence, and I just hope that people may not suffer in silence now, knowing that, like I’m here, if anyone wants to speak, there are charities like Tommy’s and so many other charities if anyone needs them.”
Being back at Villa and getting back to normal life is “when it starts to feel real”, she said. “When you realise the plans that you had coming up aren’t the same plans any more, this is when it starts to hit you,” she said. “The past week or so is where it’s hit me. Most of them, I’ve been struggling, a lot more than the first week or so. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I wouldn’t say I’m fully coping …
“You actually feel like you’re the only person it’s ever happened to. But really, it’s so common, and that’s why I think it’s important that the message is out there.”
Kearns is grateful too that she is still here and is young. “We’ve still got more opportunities going forward, when the time’s right and when we’re ready,” she said.
The target remains next year’s World Cup: “My plan while I was pregnant was to make the World Cup squad, and that’s not changed … I’ve realised there’s more to life than football, but now I’m going to enjoy every minute of football like it’s my last because it could have been.”