Norway 4
Iraq 1
THE FIFA MAN was just minding his own business during the half-time break, enjoying his half-time walk towards the goal where Erling Haaland had just scored two goals.
He may well prefer to be called Gillette Stadium Man but for sponsorship reasons we must adhere to the Infantino Doctrine.
Anyway, Fifa Man seemed to have his head in the clouds, taking in his surroundings and basking in the Boston sun.
Maybe he was replaying the lovely sweeping passing moves produced by both Norway and Iraq that produced two fine goals during the previous 50 minutes of action.
As he approached the speaker on the edge of the box, it suddenly malfunctioned. Gallons of water gushed out uncontrollably. It didn’t look pretty. From high up behind the glass of the press box, it looked pretty brown.
Fifa Man scurried off down the tunnel as a team of ground staff bolted onto the pitch primed with rakes and forks to take care of the situation. They seemed to have it under control,
the flow of water stopped but Fifa Man was ready for his encore.
He reappeared from the tunnel, rake in hand, sprinting in the direction of the soaking patch of brown mulch.
And splat!
Fifa Man slid spectacularly on his backside, laying prone and soaked for just a second. He was in as close to a gutter as you’d get in this manicured amphitheatre, looking at the stars but smelling like, er, damp.
Luckily for him, it was not the worse moment of self-inflicted damage in that box. That goes to Iraq goalkeeper Jalal Hassan. Their captain, on the occasion of his country’s first World Cup in 40 years, hesitated on a pass back from Tahseen Zaid and Haaland was there to punish to deadly effect.
It felt apt to be watching this game from behind glass from a safe distance in the skies of Boston Stadium.
This was like watching an animal hunt in the wild. Look closely and you might just have seen Haaland’s nostrils flare with delight as Hassan dallied with the ball rolling back to him.
We can’t say if it was the Norwegian fans behind that goal doing their rowing routine in unison but the glass shook. Haaland thundered towards the poor, helpless Iraqi goalkeeper.
He knew he was a goner.
Dead meat.
He flicked a flimsy leg at the ball to try and clear it but Haaland was already gobbling up the space. He blocked the ball into the net and then sauntered over to the corner to celebrate.
Resting for his next kill.
It was the 43rd minute and it was the goal that regained the lead for Norway, one they never surrendered again as Iraq’s attacking threat slowly faded in a second half disrupted by substitutions.
And when Norway substitute Leo Ostigard glanced a lovely header from a Martin Odegaard corner beyond Jalal the points were in the bag.
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Haaland took to this stage exactly as you would expect. He walked, he lurched, he whinged and he scored.
His first goal at a World Cup was a simple first-time tap in at the back post on 29 minutes, moments after the hydration break.
Simple because his instincts and his movement flowed in tandem with a crisp move that swept from the right touchline all the way to the left side of the penalty box and ended with Haaland burrowing beyond two Iraq defenders to get on the end of the cross.
Alexander Sorloth dropped deep to lay it off for Sander Berge to get it going. The midfielder let the ball run across him into the middle so he could keep it moving sharply for the excellent Antonio Nusa on the left. The RB Leipzig winger timed his pass for the overlap of David Møller Wolfe to perfection and Haaland was there to finish an eight-touch move in 10 deadly seconds.
The beast was out of the cage, and some of us remained protected by glass. Defenders and goalkeeper at this World Cup will have no such sanctuary.
This could be the summer of a lifetime for a player who turns 26 a couple of days after the final. He has already won the Premier League and Champions League but achieving something with his country would take his stardom to a new level.
Is asking him to spearhead Norway to the showpiece in New Jersey/New York too much?
It felt like 70% of the 63,106 crowd at Braut Haaland on the back of jerseys. His international goal tally now stands at an astonishing 57 goals in 51 caps.
He is now only one goal shy of Kylian Mbappe’s record for France after the forward’s two-goal salvo earlier in the day against Senegal.
They will meet on the final matchday of Group I and on this evidence it will be to determine who finishes in first place.
Iraq did pose moments of concern in the first half and their goal to equalise on 39 minutes was one to celebrate for those supporters who had waited four decades for such a moment.
Ali Jasim slid a ball off the blindside of Odegaard and Amir Alammari hung a deep cross where Aymen Hussein powered a header into the net for his 34th international goal.
Iraq’s quality and energy dipped dramatically after the break. Norway controlled the game thanks to Berge and Odegaard and while Hassan almost had some form of late redemption when he denied Haaland a hat-trick with a brave save rushing from his line.
But even that consolation was sullied when Iraq conceded a fourth in the seventh minutes of stoppage time.
Haaland – of course – was in for the kill, looping a header back across goal where Kristian Thorstvedt was there as the ball was bundled home.
It was a rout and Haaland already has the bit between the teeth to make his mark on this World Cup.
All that’s left is for Fifa Man to clean the pitch.
Written by David Sneyd and originally published on The 42 whose award-winning team produces original content that you won’t find anywhere else: on GAA, League of Ireland, women’s sport and boxing, as well as our game-changing rugby coverage, all with an Irish eye. Subscribe here.