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I tell you this because I thought I had found the absolute upper limit of useless technology that could be crammed into a toothbrush. Then, just a few days later, Dyson proved me wrong.
Dyson has announced the $499 CameraJet, an electric toothbrush with AI, a camera, and the ability to squirt in your mouth intermittently as you brush. It’s the surveillance state but for your teeth.
Dyson says CameraJet is the result of six years of development that involved 661 engineers, and all to make what looks like a reinvention of the toilet brush that pivoted when one of the 661 engineers had an epiphany: what if there were an electric toilet brush… for your mouth??
Its 100,000-pixel macro camera captures 28 images per second and uses AI trained on 470,000 dental images to identify the gaps between your teeth that you might otherwise miss. Once it identifies a gap, it shoots jets of water out of its neck toward those areas while the toothbrush scrubs out the plaque. It’s all part of the company’s larger idea of condensing the brushing and flossing routine into one technologically elaborate act.
In its advertising, the company points out that you’re supposed to spend two minutes brushing your teeth, but people, on average, spend about 45 seconds, and they rarely ever floss. So why not make something that ensures you do both? All you’ve got to do is pay $500 for the convenience.
The toothbrush comes with a docking station that refills the water tank and charges the toothbrush, and there is, of course, a companion app that, according to the marketing speak, will allow “users to see what their dentist sees through the life viewing feature in the MyDysonT™ app.”
I’ll admit that I’ve always been curious about how hideous I’ve looked to the dentist as I leaned back in that chair, unflattering lighting beaming directly into my esophagus, while they try their damnedest to stuff their arm in my mouth like they’re trying to get a puppet to talk out of its ass-y hand hole.
Now, thanks to 661 Dyson engineers, I can finally peer into my own fleshy, gaping maw in defiance of life’s natural order.
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