TikTok has been doing its thing again — first with people sharing what to say during sex, then with an equally vocal counter-trend of people listing what absolutely should not come out of anyone’s mouth mid-act.

Sex therapists and relationship experts spoke to Tyla about the five things that will kill the mood faster than anything else, whether you’re with a long-term partner, a situationship, or someone you met two hours ago.

1. “Are you almost done?”

This question communicates one thing very clearly: you’d rather be somewhere else. Nobody wants to feel like their partner is watching the clock, and hurting their feelings is just the start of it. 

“Asking if your partner is almost done can not only make them feel rushed and pressured, but also unappreciated or self-conscious,” said Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney. “Putting your partner under pressure can make it difficult for them to stay relaxed and fully enjoy the experience, and can even delay their ‘finish’ further.” Sex therapist Leigh Norén has a more practical suggestion: if things are taking longer than expected, try doing more of what you know they like. “It usually makes it go faster.”

2. “Why are you breathing so heavily?”

Sex is physical. Heavy breathing is what happens during physical activity. Commenting on it mid-act tells your partner something is wrong with them for having a completely normal human response.

“Breathing a little bit deeper and harder during sex is completely normal,” Norén said. “Drawing attention to it can create unnecessary tension and disrupt the flow.” Knight adds that if the breathing seems out of the ordinary, it could occasionally signal a health issue, so check in with your partner—just do it with concern rather than criticism.

3. A Look of Disgust

This one requires no words, and according to Knight, that makes it worse. Nonverbal communication lands harder than most people realize, especially when someone is at their most vulnerable.

“When you’re in the heat of the moment, being on the receiving end of a look of disgust can even damage the relationship. It can instantly make someone feel rejected or undesirable, leading to emotional distress, a lack of trust, and a breakdown in communication,” Knight said. If something isn’t working, Norén suggests redirecting to something that does—either by saying so gently or just taking the wheel. A facial expression is a much harder thing to walk back than words.

4. “Is this your first time?”

Cruel, unnecessary, and usually asked when you barely know the person. “It definitely signals you’re not impressed,” Norén said.

Knight points out that this conversation should’ve happened before anyone got undressed anyway, and raising it mid-sex serves no purpose beyond making someone feel embarrassed. “For someone who is less experienced, putting the spotlight on this can make them feel incredibly uncomfortable, and even infantilize them,” she said. If questions about a partner’s history feel pressing, have that conversation beforehand—and consider whether it’s actually any of your business.

5. “Is this amount of sweat normal?”

Same energy as the breathing comment, same result. Sweating during sex is the body doing exactly what it’s supposed to do during physical exertion, and pointing it out helps no one.

“Sweating is not something a person can help during physical exertion,” Knight said. “It’s completely natural, and arguably means they are putting in a good amount of effort.” Making your partner feel self-conscious about something they have zero control over is about the least sexy thing imaginable.