As you progress further into a long-term relationship, it’s common to go through “dry spells” or stressful periods without sex. Thankfully, there are many ways to keep intimacy alive and well, even after years of being together. Here are five habits of couples who never seem to lose their sexual spark.

1. They Don’t Take Each Other For Granted

Couples who truly appreciate each other and their sexual connection typically keep the spark alive for longer than others.

“They give real intention and attention to their erotic connection instead of assuming it will just stay good on its own,” says Gabby Jimmerson, certified couples and sex therapist. “Sexual chemistry responds to effort; it’s not self-sustaining. Couples who keep the spark stay curious about each other and make space for it rather than slipping into autopilot and crossing their fingers it’ll happen on its own.”

2. They Choose Each Other First 

For many people, emotional safety is a crucial foundation of sexual comfort and intimacy. When each partner in a couple chooses the other first, they establish and maintain that closeness and security with one another.

“They don’t give their relationship the leftovers at the end of the day,” says Jimmerson. “Naturally, many people pour their energy into work, kids, and responsibilities, but then become frustrated when the spark isn’t sparking. Couples who maintain a sexual connection learn to prioritize time together before they’re exhausted because they know intimacy doesn’t thrive on crumbs.”

3. They Communicate Their Desires

When it comes to intimacy, communication is key. If you can’t voice your desires to your partner, you likely will create a disconnect between performance and pleasure. Couples who communicate their sexual needs often have less trouble keeping their spark alive.

“They’re not shy about saying what’s working and what’s not, both inside and outside the bedroom,” Jimmerson says. “The couples who stay connected sexually aren’t guessing, avoiding, or assuming. They’re willing to be honest (even when it feels a little vulnerable or risky) because that’s what keeps things responsive and alive.”

4. They Cultivate Sensual Environments

A clean, non-cluttered, romantic space is important for couples who want to keep their sex lives active. Of course, real life will inevitably kick in, especially in long-term relationships. Laundry will pile, perhaps 

“They treat the bedroom as a sacred, relaxing, and sensual space—not a catch-all for clutter, work, or kids’ belongings,” says Jimmerson. “The environment matters more than people think, so when a space feels calm and intentional, it’s much easier for your brain and body to shift into intimacy.”

5. They’re Not Afraid to Experiment 

Many people shy away from bringing toys or other equipment into the bedroom, afraid it will threaten the intimacy of sex.

“There’s often unnecessary hesitation around things like lube or toys, but couples who maintain a spark tend to be more practical than performative,” says Jimmerson. “Bodies, preferences, and comfort levels shift over time, and the couples who stay connected are the ones who adapt rather than expecting everything to feel the same forever.”

“Using supports like lube, toys, or an Ohnut isn’t about correcting a deficiency—it’s about enhancing what’s already there,” she adds. “It reflects maturity, communication, and a shared openness to growing together.”