We’ve all been there: falling head over heels for a person who seems interested enough, but can’t be bothered to put in any actual effort. Unfortunately, this is a common pattern in modern dating. It seems there are more nonchalant partners than there are ones who genuinely care enough to express it.

Whatever happened to the hopeless romantics and yearning lovers? Why has love been labeled as a weakness?

It seems, however, more daters are over this type of unbothered, careless partner. Rather, more individuals are now seeking chalant partners. You know, the ones who actually care whether we live or die—and express it shamelessly. 

What Is Chalance?

Contrary to nonchalance, chalance describes the expression of passion, devotion, and excitement in dating. Chalant partners show their love through actions and emotions, putting forth genuine effort and care to the person they’re with.

For example, while a nonchalant person might appear unaffected about their partner’s presence, a chalant person might break into a wide grin and exhibit clear giddiness at the sight of them. In my opinion, this is what makes dating so enjoyable and lighthearted. In a society that glorifies detachment and apathy, more people are embracing the simple act of caring.

According to Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., in his Psychology Today article on the topic, “Going all nonchalant has its risks. It could suggest to the other person that you are indeed not interested or even that you will never be interested.”

“Dating with chalance is the opposite,” he continues. “You freely express your interest in the other person.”

What a concept!

Unfortunately, dating has become so casual that many people consider consistent effort and authentic interest as “chalance”— so much so that it’s actually become a dating trend. 

For example, consider the premise of a situationship: Two people come together and embrace a no-strings-attached yet intimate connection, oftentimes going beyond just the physical. They’ll meet each other’s families, have sleepovers, go on dates, and hook up. However, the nonchalant partner will likely refuse to commit or pursue an actual relationship. 

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this if both parties agree to the arrangement. However, for those seeking true love and lasting relationships, chalance seems like the most attractive quality a potential partner might have. 

Many people are over the non-committal, careless dating scene. They don’t want seemingly emotionless lovers who make them question their feelings and intentions. Rather, today’s daters are seeking romance, yearning, and desire—or, in other words, chalance.