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The Onion

GOP Allies Claim They Met With Mitch McConnell Inside Body Bag Neil The Seal Killed In Shootout With Authorities Secret Service Urges Trump Not To Use Qatari-Gifted Jet Pack World Cup Reinvigorates Nation’s Interest In Kicking Things Taylor Swift Returns From Honeymoon To Find Jack Antonoff Squatting In House FIFA Admits It Has No Idea Why Soccer Players Walk Out On Field With Little Kids Man Binge-Watches Entire Movie In One Sitting All The Features Of Meta’s AI Glasses USDA Fills Key Advisory Role With Prominent Chewing Skeptic Why Is Dad Pulling The Car Over? Italy Issues Travel Ban On Italian Americans Chelsea Evans and Ben Franks Planned Parenthood Regains Federal Funding ‘Love Island' Contestant Under Fire After Newly Surfaced Photos Show Him Wearing Shirt DNC Vows To Replace Graham Platner With Establishment Rapist What To Know About The Live-Action ‘Moana’ National Opera Lays Off 200 Phantoms One Day I Woke Up And There Were Two Of Me NASA Discovers Concerning Lump On Mars Sue Klepper LeBron James Realizes He Left Brand-New Stick Of Deodorant In Lakers Locker Graham Platner Clarifies He Covered Penis With Tattoo After Learning About Its Troubling History TJ Maxx Adds Meat Yak Hopes They Never Stop Making Grass Crowd Boos After Little Boy Steals Foul Ball From Adorable 42-Year-Old Man History Of Boy Bands Caroline Watters and Kevin Rice Jillian Scientists Create First Synthetic Cell Report: Trump Made $1.4 Billion As President Off Selling Tupperware To Friends Study: Average Woman Prefers Partner Who Is Member Of ZZ Top Critics Hail New Minions Movie As A Love Letter To Minions
French Heat Wave Kills Hundreds Of Thousands Of Chickens
The Onion Staff · 2026-07-10 · via The Onion