Chelsea Evans and Ben Franks
The Onion Staff
·
2026-07-10
·
via The Onion
Newswire
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QR Code Invites You To Join The Pizza Dough Revolution
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Ortolan Tastes Cheap
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Cyanide Capsule Includes 5 Milligrams Of CBD
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Second Amendment Advocate Shoots His Mouth Off
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Government Watchdog Rolls Over
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Car Windows Rolled Down To Let Out Shitty Music
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Drywall Worker Plastered
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Kraft Unveils High Fructose Corn Syrup Snack Cup
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Buddy Vouched For
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Weather Not Deemed Too Shitty For Delivery Guy
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Climbing Inside Of Air Conditioner Briefly Contemplated
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Child Gains Upper Hand After Discovering Highlighted Parenting Guide
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Anger-Bottling Factory Explodes
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Babysitter Hoping Family Not Keeping Track Of Fudgesicles
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Role Model Slept With
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Upper Hand Gained, Lost During Course Of Sentence
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Man’s Mouth All Dry From Complaining
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Nicest Iron Maiden Poster Saved For Dining Room
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Herstory Not Going To Repeat Itself Again
The groom knew he had found his future wife the moment he saw the words “NO LIARS OR DRUG ADDICTS” on the bride’s Bumble profile.
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