Self-talk-an internal dialogue that can occur silently or be spoken aloud-plays a crucial role in emotional regulation, cognitive processing, and motivation, yet has remained largely invisible and unmeasurable in everyday life. In this paper, we present MutterMeter, a mobile system that automatically detects vocalized self-talk from audio captured by earable microphones in real-world settings. Detecting self-talk is technically challenging due to its diverse acoustic forms, semantic and grammatical incompleteness, and irregular occurrence patterns, which differ fundamentally from assumptions underlying conventional speech understanding models. To address these challenges, MutterMeter employs a hierarchical classification architecture that progressively integrates acoustic, linguistic, and contextual information through a sequential processing pipeline, adaptively balancing accuracy and computational efficiency. We build and evaluate MutterMeter using a first-of-its-kind dataset comprising 31.1 hours of audio collected from 25 participants. Experimental results demonstrate that MutterMeter achieves robust performance with a macro-averaged F1 score of 0.84, outperforming conventional approaches, including LLM-based and speech emotion recognition models.