Learning to take big swings

I recently chatted with Davis Chatfield, a professional golfer who’ll be nice to me even though I don’t know what it’s like to play golf nor, with great respect, do I care.

Davis: “You can never perfect golf. If I practice 10 hours, doesn’t mean I’ll shoot great the next time I tee up. Takes self-belief to always think your next round’s gonna be your best. It’s a hard game. But easy on the body.

“A non-contact sport. Take a cart around, something you can do until you’re 85. Great to socialize. Good way to kill five hours. The PGA Tour means the world’s best players competing 30-plus times a year. I’m professional. Professional means you play for money. I always idolized Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy. I wanted to be them.”

Davis: “Tiger Woods hasn’t played a ton with his injuries and stuff. I idolized what he’s done for the sport. He changed the direction into a more athletic sport. First one to intertwine working out in the gym with golf.

“The key is to manage your misses. Not hit in the water hazard or out of bounds. And it’s a lot of guys trying to get away from their wives.”

And what if you hit a ball into a sand trap or water?

Davis: “Tell yourself everything’s gonna be OK, not the end of the world cause you’re not the only one that’s gonna hit it in there.”

So golf always seems to be a lot of middle-aged guys who BS with one another, and say, ‘Oh, my God, how far the hole is.’ They can’t do another frigging thing in their lives, but they’re schlepping on grass hitting little balls.

Why don’t they take up ping pong? So a middle-ager who can barely get himself in and out of bed to take care of a woman, but he will get down on his knees to look at a crappy little ball. How does he get that strength together?

Davis: “Lies to his wife. Thinks he’s got more strength in the tank than he’s telling her and just wants out of the house.”

Lovely. And who would you like to play a round of golf with?

Davis: “Tiger Woods. He’s an idol of mine. Or Scottie Scheffler. He’s No. 1 in the world now.”

OK. I would like to say it’s been a thrill speaking with you. It’s just that I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Have you any trophies?

Davis: “Yes. But my parents threw some away because they were taking up too much room.”

---

Checking on city scenery

Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet were at ZZ’s Club the other night. They were eating a lot of bread. Unseen is that they also have a lot of “bread.”

Jerry Nadler was noticed on 83rd sweating and telling people he was hungry. He now demands to travel with two bodyguards. One just to guard his ego. Also to guard the snacks. Also any leftover bread.

George Conway campaigning on 84th and Columbus. It was around no one. He was just with his dog who stopped to take a No. 2. Looks like George might finish the primary taking a No. 4.

I’d have told you more — but I had to go inside. It was raining.

---

International wisdom: Hollywood. Where the movies are longer and the marriages shorter.

And for beauty? Joan Collins: “I don’t take vitamins. I swear by men and as many as possible.”

Only in the USA, kids, only in the USA.