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Exclusive | The one surprising rule divorce attorneys swear by on the third date
Kyra Breslin · 2026-05-12 · via New York Post

Every person who’s married technically has a prenup — either written by the government in the form of a marriage license, or by the two people who chose each other out of the other 8 billion people in the world.

And one expert believes a conversation about having a prenup could and should take place — shockingly — as early as the third date.

James Sexton, a prominent New York City divorce lawyer, recently went viral with that suggestion, fueling the long, heated debate over the so-called “prenup myth” and the negative connotation of the difficult-to-bring-up contractual arrangement.

Lawyer James Sexton speaks about prenuptial agreements on Chris Williamson's "Modern Wisdom" podcast.

Divorce attorney James Sexton — above right, with “Modern Wisdom” podcast host Chris Williamson — believes a prenup conversation should happen as early as possible in the dating game. Modern Wisdom/YouTube

In fact, Sexton told The Post that making an early conversation the norm is simply a viable way to gauge how a potential long-term partner thinks about money, risk and commitment.

“The reason I said on a third date is that people are always asking me, ‘What’s the best way to bring it up?’ And I’ve always felt like the best way to bring almost anything up is to depersonalize it first,” said the longtime divorce attorney.

He’s not the only expert urging a dialogue deviation.

Conversations about wanting children, where you want to live, or other life goals are normalized in early dating stages. North Carolina-based divorce attorney Nicole Sodoma says a similar conversation about a prenup is not about trust — it’s about protection — and is just another important chat that has historically been avoided and seen as a “mood killer.”

“We insure our homes, our businesses, our health … marriage should be no different,” she told The Post. “In fact, it’s often the most significant agreement you’ll ever make, and it impacts your entire life.”

Lawyer James Sexton speaks on a podcast, gesturing with his hands.

Sexton says paperwork doesn’t have to come out at the third date, but at least get a sense of where your partner stands. Modern Wisdom/YouTube

Why wait?

The idea might sound extreme, but it reflects a broader cultural shift.

Prenups are on the rise — a recent Harris Poll found that 21% of Americans say they’ve signed one, up from just 3% in 2010 — and millennials and Gen Z are estimated to be driving that uptick.

They’ve also undergone a cultural rebrand. Historic misconceptions are that prenups are only for the rich and famous or signal a lack of trust.

Now, they are increasingly framed as an insurance policy by divorce lawyers and embraced by young professionals — especially women — looking to protect their financial futures.

Bethenny Frankel being interviewed for the podcast Call Her Daddy.

Bethenny Frankel went through a notoriously painful battle and divorce that went on for a decade. Call Her Daddy/YouTube

That sentiment was loud and clear as former “Real Housewives of New York City” cast member Bethenny Frankel rehashed her own painstaking, 10-year divorce battle and encouraged listeners to get a prenup on an episode of the podcast “Call Her Daddy.”

The case for discussing early

The mistake isn’t that couples bring up prenups too early; it’s actually waiting too long, Sexton told The Post.

A woman gestures angrily while a man holds his head in distress, both seated on a couch, representing relationship conflict.

Having the uncomfortable conversation about a prenup early on can actually positively indicate the health of your relationship. Dragana Gordic – stock.adobe.com

A discussion delay can feel like an ambush, compounded by high emotions and logistical challenges ahead of wedding planning. Handled earlier, the conversation carries less pressure — and may even signal something important about the relationship’s foundational stability.

“I think to be successful in a long-term romantic relationship like a marriage, the ability to have uncomfortable conversations is really important,” Sexton told The Post.

“If you have the ability to listen to what this other person wants or needs and express what you want or need in the way you have to when you’re doing a prenup, I think it’s usually a good sign.”

Some attorneys practice what they preach.

“I would never get married without a prenup,” New York divorce attorney Ankit Kapoor told The Post.

While the third date may be too soon for the documents themselves, he says couples do best when they don’t treat prenups as a last-minute oversight.

From taboo to trend

What was once considered taboo is quickly becoming mainstream.

Two rings on divorce papers sit on a table, with a man and woman in the background looking away from each other.

Attorneys practice what they preach and say it’s crucial to discuss prenups early in dating. LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS – stock.adobe.com

On social media, influencers like Mrs. Dow Jones have helped recast prenups as a form of financial literacy and female empowerment. On TikTok, one ‘nup proponent compared them to “seatbelts” — something you hope you never need, but wear anyway.

Another user on Instagram urged to “Get a copy of their taxes for the last 5+ years too. Make sure the IRS isn’t coming for them.”

Despite the rebrand, prenups still carry a stigma. And that trope has long been reinforced in pop culture, from Hollywood plot lines to shows like “Sex and the City,” where prenups are often portrayed as cold, transactional agreements tied to old-money families.

Kristen Davis as Charlotte in Sex and the City.

Charlotte York was asked to sign a prenup for her marriage to her first husband in the hit HBO series “Sex and the City.” HBO

But in practice, attorneys say that perception doesn’t match reality. Regardless of income level, the fundamentals of a prenup are often the same.

“The prenup that a billionaire needs and the prenup that two young people who just got out of school and are getting married and have nothing need is usually very much the same,” said Sexton.

While some agreements may be more nuanced, most come down to a few key decisions — such as whether to set, waive or reserve the right to spousal support.

Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula at a bar.

“Summer House” star Amanda Batula, above, with her ex Kyle Cooke, believed that getting a prenup was synonymous with divorce. Bravo

Even reality TV is beginning to reflect that shift.

On Bravo’s “Summer House,” financial strain between longtime couple Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula — who did not have a prenup — has become a point of conflict. Batula, who is now dating castmate West Wilson, has admitted she regretted the decision, admitting her earlier assumptions about prenups were “naive.”

“Do I regret it? Yes,” she said on “Watch What Happens Live.” “Everyone needs a prenup. We’re gonna be fine, but still — it could have not been fine.”

Reality check

While some people still hold the belief that marriage means the sharing of two lives unequivocally, the reality is that more and more people have either gone through or seen just how messy divorces can get.

A third date may be, as one Reddit user crassly put it, “ejaculating that topic prematurely” into the conversation; everyone has a different set of criteria for feeling out a potential match.

Emily Orozco and Jesse Solomon sitting on chairs, smiling and holding microphones.

Amanda Batula and West Wilson are continuing their relationship as she navigates the financial fallout of her divorce from Kyle Cooke. Getty Images

Whether in death or divorce, all marriages end. And a prenup is a contract of that marriage ending, Sexton told The Post.

“So technically, when someone gets married, really what you want to say is, ‘I hope this ends in death. It’s weird like that. But I really hope your marriage ends in death.’”