They’re married, but separate.

For most newlyweds, and couples overall, sharing a bedroom is considered a given. For Kelsey and Chad Thompson, it was the one tradition they happily skipped.

The husband-and-wife couple, who met through a matchmaker in 2021 and married last September, have spent nearly their entire relationship sleeping in separate primary suites inside their suburban Atlanta home. Far from viewing the arrangement as a sign of marital trouble, they credit it with helping their relationship thrive.

When shown their setup — which features two full-fledged primary bedrooms complete with ensuite bathrooms, distinct decor and plenty of personal space — Kelsey Thompson didn’t hesitate.

“It’s a pretty awesome setup,” Thompson said.

What was once considered an unusual arrangement is increasingly moving into the mainstream. A 2023 survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that 35% of Americans sleep in a separate room from their partner either occasionally or consistently. Millennials were the most likely generation to embrace the trend, with 43% reporting some version of a so-called “sleep divorce.”  

The concept has gained enough traction that sleep experts, relationship therapists and even hotels have begun catering to couples seeking better rest without sacrificing romance. Harvard Health recently published guidance for couples navigating separate sleeping arrangements, noting that many report improved sleep quality and reduced tension.  

The Thompsons arrived at the idea before it became a cultural talking point.

“We began our relationship with this setup,” Thompson said.

The pair met later in life after years of living independently. Thompson is 39, and her husband is 54.

But sleeping together proved to be a challenge.

“When we started dating, and obviously we’re having sleepovers, we realized that we weren’t really sleeping all that well together,” Thompson said.

Her husband, a forensic accountant and author focused on health and wellness, had developed strict nighttime habits after years as what she described as recovering workaholic. Kelsey, who spent more than two decades in luxury retail before working in addiction recovery, viewed quality sleep as essential to maintaining her sobriety.

“[My husband] needed to like deprogram his brain at night to be able to get a good night’s sleep. And then I’m a recovering alcoholic and sleep is super important to make sure that I maintain. It can be a trigger for people who are in recovery,” Thompson said.

Despite past lives, there are also aspects of comfort.

“My husband is an incredibly light sleeper — noises, lights anything like that will wake him up and then he has a really difficult time getting back to sleep,” she added. And for me, I get anxiety about keeping the other person awake so I have a difficult time sleeping out of fear of ruining somebody else’s sleep when I sleep.”

“So having a partner in the bed for either one of us creates anxiety around sleep, which results in a terrible night sleep,” she said.

Their answer arrived in the form of a house with two primary suites, a floor plan that has become increasingly common as builders design homes for multigenerational living.

One suite immediately felt like hers.

“I was like, ‘That one’s meant to be for me.’ And then the one upstairs just felt like the kind of the king suite for him,” Thompson said.

Of course, both spaces meet their tastes. What they share in common: king-size beds, sitting areas and walk-in closets. And where they differ: the aesthetics. Thompson’s room is dressed in earth tones and neutrals, with a chandelier overhead. Meanwhile, her husband’s room features gray and wooden tones, with a ceiling fan above.

Rather than feeling distant, the arrangement fits their daily rhythm.

“My husband’s pretty much semi-retired. And now that I only do content creating, but I’m pretty much retired and he works out of the home. So we spend all waking hours together,” Thompson said.

Indeed, despite sleeping separately, the couple eats meals together, takes nightly walks and spends most of the day side by side.

“We spend so much of our waking hours together that separating at night to go to our beds is just a nice time to recharge,” Thompson said.

The idea that separate bedrooms signal a struggling marriage is one Kelsey rejects.

“People have come to us about separating their bedrooms. And there was always a partner in there that felt that maybe something was wrong with the relationship,” Thompson said.

Instead, she sees sleep as a health issue rather than a romantic one.

“That’s when the foundation of your relationship is built. It’s not when you’re unconscious and your eyes are closed,” Thompson said.

The notion isn’t entirely new. Separate bedrooms were once common among aristocrats and royals. Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip famously maintained separate sleeping quarters throughout much of their marriage, a longstanding upper-class British tradition. More recently, reports have noted that King Charles III and Queen Camilla also maintain separate bedrooms alongside shared space.  

Celebrities have helped normalize the concept as well. Cameron Diaz sparked headlines after publicly advocating for separate bedrooms as a practical solution for couples seeking better sleep.  

The Thompsons say the arrangement has never interfered with romance.

“It’s not like we don’t like each other. It’s just more of we are so focused on our health and wellness. I think for us sleep doesn’t mean intimacy. Sleep means sleep,” Thompson said.

The pair even share a vacation home in the mountains; separate bedrooms are part of the equation there as well.

For Kelsey, the biggest surprise has been how many couples quietly ask for advice after seeing their setup.

“You should encourage your partner to get a better night’s sleep because that’s what they need for overall better health,” Thompson said.

“There’s a quote … ‘the fastest way to kill a man is to take away his sleep.'”