Safety tips from the top floor

Talking to Sal Cassano, former FDNY commissioner. 2010 until 2014. So tell me what is on a fire truck?

“A pumper pumps from hydrant to pumper to the hose to the fire. There’s first aid equipment. Firefighters train at probate school 18 weeks. Drilled forever how to repack trucks, where you put equipment, how you clean tools.

“Fires have changed. Now plastics burn hotter, faster, more toxic. Once we had wood-burning stuff. Now even bedding has changed.

“If you’re not scared, something’s wrong with you. The Red Devil we called it.

“Things happen. Once there was a steam explosion, something gave, and we got hit with this burst of steam. If you ever burnt your finger on a little hot water — imagine getting hit with a burst of steam. A scary situation.

“But there was nothing like the World Trade Center. I was listening to our radio with six colleagues when this report came about a plane hitting the World Trade Center. An hour and a half later, three of those six were dead. Unprecedented the amount of people we lost there, unprecedented the amount of experience we lost, and the amount of people that have died since that day because of illnesses that they contracted at the World Trade.

“Listen, I could walk into a firehouse now and still slide down a pole like I did 50 years ago. A firefighter never forgets how to slide down a pole. Great feeling.

“I was born in Brooklyn. I live in Staten Island. I’ll stay there forever. But, wherever you live, you should have a sign on the back of your door. If there’s a fire: It may be safer to stay in your apartment. Going down a stairway can be risky. You also should have somebody in charge of your building who are trained in case of an emergency.

“Listen to them. They probably should be drilling with you, and I know people will say, ‘Oh, my God, I gotta go and do a drill?’ Yes, because if the real thing happens, you wanna know what to do. These people are trained, they’re paid to do it. So listen to the instructions you get: A, from either the person in charge of evacuation; and B, from the dispatch operator that you call.”

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This planet’s gone luney

We’re going to the moon? Great. A true mazel tov. Half the time we can’t get to Rockville Centre. Listen, the moon is as high — above the elephant’s eye — as the price of milk or the cost of a cheapo airline ticket.

Going to the moon? Please. Situations in Ukraine, Israel, North Korea, Syria, Russia. We can’t get along on Earth! We got Venezuela, Taiwan, Iran, Staten Island, wherever MeMeMeMeghan schleps, cranky Canada, Afghanistan, the Teachers Union, Sudan, Pakistan. Also Elon what’s-his-face, who has already built himself a cavern on the downtown moon. With, naturally, a mirror.

He goes there weekends in his gasless rocket that makes a stop on Jupiter long enough to fill up on whatever loose change might go to assist the elderly, animals, the sick, poverty-stricken, our ailing roads, CBS News, healthcare, climate change, El Niño, border security, immigration and a personal potty for Biden.

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Summertime. Pretty soon the drive-in theaters will reopen — and people will start watching movies again. That is, for those who don’t already own Lunar Lounges. A real moonzel-tov.

Not in New York, kids, definitely not in New York.