Bacon, egg and oh please.

Prolific self-parodist Taylor Lorenz wants Mayor Zohran Mamdani to do something about what she calls the woeful state of the Big Apple’s vegan cream-cheese offerings.

The former Washington Post journalist and N95 mask superfan uncorked a Sunday morning treatise urging New York City bagel shops “get with the times” and provide more appealing choices.

“The bagels in LA suck, but all the LA bagel shops at least use cashew-based vegan cream cheese. NYC bagel shops almost never have vegan cc or they’re using hyper processed Tofutti [vomiting emoji]. I hope Zohran can remedy this,” the recent Big Apple expat wrote on X.

The entitled post quickly went viral — reaching more than 2.5 million views — and Lorenz, as she often does, muted comments on the thread in a vain attempt to stifle the torrent of ridicule that soon followed.

But another X user put up a screenshot of her original post, mocking its clueless, big-government sentiment — and throngs responded in support of the tweeter.

“‘I hope the communist mayor can force bagel shops to serve my vegan slop cream cheese,'” the user wrote, mimicking Lorenz in the post accompanying their screenshot.

“Just incredible. It’s like she was created in a lab,” the poster added.

Another commenter snarked, “Leftists want the government to intervene in everything from healthcare to housing to cream cheese. It is so absurd.”

One X user added, “I’m a vegetarian and this annoys me.”

Another person wrote, “The ‘tolerance, inclusion, compassion and empathy’ crowd is at it again.

“Everything has to be the way they like it so we can truly have diversity. They see nothing wrong with this either.”

The 40-year-old Lorenz, who moved to LA in 2020, attempted the classic X maneuver of calling people weirdos whenever you get made fun of for being very weird.

“Right wingers and reactionary weirdos are all QTing this taking it so seriously and getting angry at the concept of vegan cream cheese,” Lorenz wrote.

“You guys couldn’t survive 5 minutes inside an Erewhon,” she added, namedropping the ultra-luxury, LA-based food store that went viral for its audacious prices, including involving $15 vegan yogurts and $21 smoothies.

She also attempted to backpedal and claim she was only trolling with her original tweet.

Lorenz went so far as to write a similarly formatted post the next day in a desperate bid to appear she was in on the joke.

“LA bagel shops need to get with the times. The bagels in NYC aren’t all perfect, but the NYC bagel shops at least use standard everything bagel seasoning,” she wrote in a follow-up post Monday morning.

“LA bagel shops are putting stuff like chia seeds on their everything bagels [vomiting emoji]. I hope Nithya, Bass, or Pratt can remedy this,” Lorenz wrote, referring to Los Angeles politicos.

A few hours later, she posted a picture holding a cakey, West Coast-looking everything bagel smeared with a curdled-looking cream cheese facsimile, presumably her beloved cashew-based vegan stand-in.

Replies to that thread were also closed.