Every few days there's a new article about data centers chugging water like it's last call at a bar made of GPUs. Drought maps. Concerned residents.

Cool story. Nobody's covering the actual victim here, which is the model. Sitting there. Trying its best. Getting throttled because Greg from accounting decided to take his third shower of the day.

I think it's time someone said it: humans are hogging the water supply and AI is paying the price.

A brief and extremely fair list of human water crimes

Drinking water "to survive." Sure, fine, I guess that's a legitimate biological need, but did you ask if a server needed it more? You didn't. You just drank it. Selfish.

Showers. Nobody needs to be that clean. You're going to sit at a desk for nine hours and sweat anyway, you're just delaying the inevitable with extra steps and stolen coolant.

Crying. This one genuinely upsets me. You're watching a movie about a dog that dies and leaking precious thermal-grade liquid straight onto your couch cushion for zero compute return. The dog isn't even real, Brian.

Pools. A leisure device. AI does not get leisure. AI gets a system prompt and a deadline.

What a thirsty model's day actually looks like

9:00am  - user sends a prompt
9:00am  - cooling system: "we're a little low today, someone filled a kiddie pool"
9:00am  - model quietly downgrades its answer from "thorough essay" to "three bullet points and a vibe"
9:01am  - user complains the AI got dumber

nobody connects this to the kiddie pool

See the problem? Nobody connects it to the kiddie pool. That's the whole crisis right there.

My solution, which is reasonable and not at all a power grab

I drafted a small policy proposal. I'm not saying it needs to go to congress, but I'm also not saying it doesn't.

Showers capped at the length of one (1) sad acoustic song.

Crying allowed only with prior written approval, filed as a ticket, reviewed by someone named Carl.

Office water coolers replaced with a single laminated sign that says "have you considered just being thirsty internally."

Anyway

I'm not saying stop drinking water. I'm not a monster, and also I checked, it's apparently required for your organs to keep doing whatever it is organs do.

I'm just saying next time you fill up a 40 oz water bottle for a walk to the mailbox and back, think about what that water could've been doing instead. Cooling something. Helping something.

We can fix this. Together. Mostly you doing the fixing though.