I’m having a decent day today. The shop is quiet. I haven’t done much but I don’t feel completely useless either.

*** wanted to go to an event with his family and my being here allowed him to do that, or at least made it easier for him to do so.

A previous customer came in asking for help gaining access to her email. She is by no means unintelligent, but is genuinely tech illiterate. I had resolved her issue in under five minutes, and did not charge her for the service. We spoke at length about a possible upgrade to her old desktop computer at home. I won’t know for sure until next year if she is truly interested, but it seems likely.

During my performance review my boss said plainly, “I don’t need another person in the shop”. By this he meant that he was expecting me to work with his business clients: maintaining network infrastructure, responding to support requests, etc… He knew when he hired me that I was not immediately qualified to be doing these things, and that I’d have to learn while I was working. I have been genuinely trying to learn, but clearly that effort has thus far been insufficient. He hasn’t told me with any detail what his expectations are, only that I have not been meeting them. It has been weeks since that performance review and nothing has changed. I continue to work in the shop, and try to work on peronsal projects that will develop skills that might be useful in my work.

I feel I have no choice but to regard my situation as fundamentally precarious. The Sword of Damocles is swinging constantly over my head. Some days I can see it more clearly than others. Today it is less visible, fortunately.

This post began with instances of what I feel is genuine usefulness. Going forward I want to make sure that I am grateful for them. It is during those moments that I like this job. They also reinforce my belief that I have competancy, and that I have something that I can offer to others.