The limbo-like lull in-between Christmas and News Years is my favourite period of the year. I never know what to do with myself. I arrive back from chaotic, overstimulating family visits and sit amidst my pile of gifts, half-unpacked bags, and leftover chocolate, wondering what in the world I used to do with my days. I’ve long forgotten what it’s like to have any semblance of life structure. Despite it only being a week since I was on a focused, tight schedule.

This weird floaty time is beautiful. I sit around writing long, trite reflections on the year. I look through my calendar week-by-week and count up arbitrary numbers of things.

1,140 kilometers run
89 coffee dates and park walks with friends
14 published pieces of writing (far less than I’d like)
6 podcast interviews
5 conference talks
5 Future of Coding events
5 driving lessons
1 driving test cancelled (I still haven’t booked another)
2 weddings

I’m not sure these capture anything, but they give some shape to the past 12 months. For the most part, it was a stressful and sad year. I split up with my wonderful, long-term partner at the start of it. I want children, and he didn’t. It’s the one thing you can’t compromise on. So I spent the following months being a pathetically heartbroken lump. I wallowed in work and distracted myself with travel and conferences and podcasts and excessively long park walks with friends.

But somehow, miraculously, just like the last 15 minutes of a cheaply made Netflix romcom, everything worked out in the final stretch. In our months apart my partner did a lot of reflection. He changed his mind and realised he does want a family. Knowing that you want to take on that level of stress, responsibility, and sleep deprivation isn’t a small question, and one everyone comes to in their own time. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted children until my very late twenties. And it certainly would have been helpful to realise earlier…

Anyway, we got back together. And it’s been pretty happily ever after since. We even put a ring on it to secure the ever after part 😉