By virtue of being the closing act, Seth Meyers headlined NBCUniversal’s upfront this morning. And though I wouldn’t say it was his strongest set there in recent memory, performing topical standup to TV advertisers at noon on a Monday is not quite Saturday night at the Comedy Cellar. It probably did not help that his opener was 100 minutes of advanced-viewership-metrics talk and the featured act was Mike Tomlin.
Meyers’ monologue went after some familiar foes — Donald Trump, rival broadcaster CBS and even NBC‘s parent company Comcast — further down the rankings, Kevin Hart caught a stray. As if Hart didn’t get enough last night during his Netflix roast.
Below are Meyers’ best jokes from the event, ranked:
- “NBC was the number one broadcast television network for the 2025-2026 television season. After over a decade, we have taken down CBS. Well, the Ellisons did, but I like to think we helped.”
- “NBC has the Emmys this year — well, they’re airing here. HBO’s the one that actually gets to have them.”
- “Paramount Skydance just announced it plans to merge its Paramount+ streaming service with HBO Max. So now you’ll get all your favorites in one place, plus Paramount+.”
- “I’m Seth Meyers. Or as the FCC calls me, ‘Next.’”
- “Netflix is hosting its upfront on a pier on the Hudson River. Because once a Netflix show hits two seasons, that’s where it dumps its body.”
- “NBC is turning 100 years old, which means right now, it’s watching CBS.”
- “CBS did not hold an upfront presentation this year, because at CBS, ‘upfront’ just describes how they paid Trump to drop the lawsuit.”
- “[CBS is] so in the pocket for Trump. I heard next year’s Survivor is in the Strait of Hormuz.”
- “Comcast said on its most-recent earnings call that Peacock is approaching profitability. In the same way that Kevin Hart is approaching seven-feet tall.”
- “Love Island, the show President Trump calls, ‘I Never Went There!'”
- “Vin Diesel is here, although due to rising oil prices, he now goes by ‘Vin Ethanol.'”
Upfronts week, in which TV and streaming platforms serve up their new and returning series to media buyers, continues with Amazon’s Prime Video on Monday evening and Fox on Tuesday afternoon.
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