The big night at the museum: At 9 p.m. Wednesday, SFMOMA’s Art Bash had us fooled. The annual gala — the biggest art night of the San Francisco social season, drawing the city’s most deep-pocketed collectors, philanthropists, and culture vultures to party among the permanent collection after hours — seemed eerily dead, the overhead lighting aggressively unflattering.

The Waggle almost left. Luckily, we stayed for you. Because 30 minutes later, the museum was rightly packed with A-listers getting liquored up and loose-lipped.

The higher you get at Art Bash, the better the party. On the 7th floor, VIP guests enjoyed a private dinner, where a 10-seat table ran a cool $30,000. When asked if he had a spare seat, Gap Chairman Bob Fisher politely told us he did not. Your Waggle correspondents nonetheless finagled entry to the heavily restricted cocktail hour, spotting Laurene Powell Jobs, Gap CEO Richard Dickson in a blue velvet blazer, and Gap Creative Director Zac Posen in Banana Republic, natch.

In a dining room decked out by artist Jeffrey Gibson in an aesthetic described as “nature disco,” arts patron Sako Fisher circulated in a striking silver suit. Prime Finance founder John Atwater joked about his wife picking out his tie; museum director Christopher Bedford kicked back with a gin and tonic (“a typical English drink”) after weeks of hard work.

Also in attendance: the mayor’s new arts czar, Matthew Goudeau, who was ambushed with hugs and congratulations as The Waggle spoke to him. We can break a little news here: Goudeau’s start date, not previously reported, is June 1. In the meantime, he plans to spend his free time exploring historic California monasteries. How meditative.

The lower levels of the museum were less ritzy — the non-VIPs had to settle for well liquors and Nathan’s hot dogs — but no less spirited. We spotted cafe owner and supervisor candidate Manny Yekutiel on the first floor and local philanthropist and party thrower Adam Swig on the fourth, promoting his new energy drink “Yerdrink,” which he compared to Rice-a-Roni as the next San Francisco treat. By 10 p.m., the Fisher galleries were packed with flowing gowns, men in stilettos, and a service dog on a chic purple leash. From the men’s bathroom, The Waggle heard at least one loud snort echoing from within a stall. Apparently, the art crowd still knows how to party.

Apple’s jolly grandpa: A surreal launch event for a company called Dreame Next (tagline: “Where ultimate aesthetics meet technology”) took over the Palace of Fine Arts for a few days this week, where men stood onstage and got groomed by robots in a live demo that felt to one Waggler like “an infomercial come to life.” In a conversation with Global President of Dreame Technology Xinwei Chang, Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak told the crowd, “I don’t really believe we’re going to hit AI AGI.” He said this was a good thing for humanity, since the emergence of real AGI would likely turn humans into its pets. Let’s all hope Woz is right. Not to kink-shame anyone, but we’d like humans to be the ones keeping things leashed, not the other way around.

Gooooooood evening, San Francisco! The Waggle hit the red carpet Monday night at Revels & Revelations, where Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were honored with the 9th Robin Williams Legacy of Laughter Award from Bring Change to Mind (opens in new tab), a mental health nonprofit cofounded by the inimitable Glenn Close — who arrived, naturally, with her scene-stealing Havanese, Sir Pippin of Beanfield. (Sir Pippin did not give a statement, but his presence said everything.) 

All three of Williams’ children were in attendance. Oldest son Zak Williams walked the carpet with his wife and revealed they’re expecting baby No. 3, which felt like exactly the kind of joyful news the night was made for.

Elsewhere on the carpet, comedian Sarah Silverman was visibly angling for face time with the Warriors’ Steve Kerr — hopefully to lobby him to return as head coach. Also in the mix: Mayor Daniel Lurie, making his requisite appearance at anything with a velvet rope; Gap’s Posen and his boss, Dickson; and everyone’s favorite man about town, Stanlee Gatti.

Larry and the fire truck: Why Uber when you can take a fire truck? SF Giants President and CEO Larry Baer was hailing a car Friday outside Oracle Park to get to a lunchtime panel at the Commonwealth Club when an SFFD truck pulled up and offered him a ride. “They recognized me, and they’re like, ‘Hey, do you want a ride?’” Baer recounted onstage. “I said, ‘Sure. I can’t be late. … I’m going up the street, are you going my way?’” The firefighters, whose coverage area includes Oracle Park, dropped him off in time for the discussion.

She didn’t get a ride with first responders, but Daniela Amodei, Anthropic’s cofounder and president, was also onstage for the discussion, (opens in new tab)which was moderated by The Standard’s Kevin Delaney. Amodei previewed a program Anthropic plans to kick off in the next few months to “train the next generation of young people in AI fluency, so that they can then go reinvest those skills in their community or in their new idea or in whatever creative pursuit that they want.” The initiative, which hasn’t been previously reported, will be for new graduates of high school, college, or trade schools. 

En route offstage, Amodei and Baer lined up for photos and discussion with Lowell High School students in the audience. Amodei, an SF native, and Baer, a fourth-generation San Franciscan, both attended Lowell.

Robot sighting: NBC News reporter Scott Budman dropped an incredible story (opens in new tab) Friday night of a humanoid robot that boarded a Southwest flight at the airport of a little-known East Bay city, causing the plane to be delayed while the airline determined what the hell to do about the robot passenger. The answer? Budman reports that they removed the humanoid’s lithium-ion battery. But don’t worry, the bot had plenty of fun beforehand, waving to terrified adoring passengers in the terminal.

Gifted and broken: People were whispering this week after the Wall Street Journal blessed us with a Silicon Valley story that was so on the nose it sounds fake. As we reported in December, Silicon Valley parents have built a cottage industry of elite schools for high-IQ toddlers — and Tessellations, the $44,500-a-year Cupertino school for tech royalty’s gifted children, was meant to be the crown jewel. Instead: open war. 

Highlights from the WSJ report include founder Grace Stanat allegedly running a tuition-donation tax scheme against his lawyers’ advice, donor parents overriding teachers’ grade recommendations, and the high school shutting down after one year. Board chair Peter Deng blamed midyear layoffs on Stanat at a staff meeting; Stanat screamed, “Peter, you’re lying!” in front of everyone, then fired back with a six-page letter calling Deng “a tech bro with no education experience whatsoever, but nonetheless certain that he’s the smartest guy in the room.” 

The denouement: Meta CPO Chris Cox pulled out his kid and five families to launch a home school called “Windy Meadows,” leaving nine sobbing classmates behind. Among those who followed him was Deng, who somehow remains Tessellations’ board chair. Someone call Andy Cohen, because we have a new Bravo series idea: “The Real Parents of Silicon Valley.”

Love in icy waters: Our chunky loverboy Chonkers, the massive “food-motivated” Steller sea lion who has been drawing crowds at Pier 39, was caught during an intimate moment with a potential love interest. We’re rooting for you, Chonkers! Just make sure she can handle your girth.

What to expect at the Tech Gala: New York’s biggest fashion night lands Monday, with the Met Gala’s “Fashion Is Art” theme bankrolled by head sponsors Jeff and Lauren Sánchez Bezos — and not without (opens in new tab)intense backlash (opens in new tab). Anna Wintour biographer Amy Odell did the math: Bezos could technically fund (opens in new tab)8,700 Met Galas (opens in new tab) with his $270 billion net worth. Of course, money cannot buy taste — not even with Zendaya’s stylist Law Roach on retainer.

Silicon Valley’s newfound obsession with fashion is getting mixed reviews. Waggle readers will remember how the internet roasted Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan for sitting front row at Prada in February. Playwright Jeremy O. Harris called Sam Altman a “Nazi” at the Vanity Fair Oscars party in March. But techies in ill-fitting tuxes won’t be the only locals at the Met, of course. Keep your eyes peeled for Posen and whoever gets to wear his GapStudio creations on the museum steps. And if you see any notable SF-related fashion crimes or coups, you know what to do: Send them to [email protected].

Blind item: Which socialite is rumored to be dating their cousin? Extra credit if you can name both cousins.