When I was laid off from my role as an editor for a magazine in late 2024, logically, I knew what I was supposed to think: Don’t tie your self-worth to a job. After all, it’s just a job.

While I did my best to believe that optimistic mantra, most days — and especially on the ones I scooped up dirty, sweaty towels from rich people at a local gym to make ends meet — I felt hopeless. I had little money coming in for several months, and on more mornings than I’d care to admit, fewer and fewer reasons to wake up. I barely felt human.

As Aja Evans, a New York City-based financial therapist and author of Feel Good Finance, tells Vox, feeling terrible about yourself during a period of unemployment or underemployment is super common. “We really do base a lot of our identity on what we do,” she says, to the point that a career can seem like “the most important aspect of who we are and how we present ourselves.” According to a 2023 Pew Research poll, about 4 in 10 Americans who aren’t self-employed see their careers as a crucial part of their overall identity.

So when you’re out of work, your perception of yourself — and how you’re supposed to present yourself to other people — becomes skewed. There’s obviously a lot more to any human than their job status, but with social structures that value financial success over other attributes (say, how kind or adventurous you are), unemployment can feel painful and confusing.

There’s also a good chance that, as you’re navigating a new budget, you probably don’t have as much extra money to spend on pleasure — perhaps you have to decline dinner and drink invites, or put off long-anticipated trips or concerts. Making the (smart!) decision to pull back on certain expenses can feel extra isolating.

If any of this is resonating with you, know that you’re not alone: Layoffs are incredibly common across all industries, and a lot of people are struggling right now. Here are some tips from people who have gone through it (or who are there right now).

Though Domenica Davis, 47, had an inkling that layoffs were going to affect her role as a national broadcast TV meteorologist almost two years ago, that didn’t make the news any less difficult to digest. “It was shocking,” she tells Vox. “I thought, Oh my god. What am I going to do?”

Felicia Penza was 30 years old, pregnant with twins, and preparing to relocate from Scottsdale, Arizona, to Los Angeles in 2010 when she was unexpectedly let go from her job as a graphic designer. “Getting laid off is devastating,” the now-46-year-old tells Vox. “It’s like an unexpected breakup in a relationship meant to endure, to last.”

As Evans notes, it’s really important to sit with those uncomfortable emotions for a bit. Sure, it might initially feel productive to scour LinkedIn 24/7 with hopes of finding your dream role immediately, but you’re likely to get burned out fast if you do this.

“A job search, especially in this economy, often feels like screaming into the void,” Amy Wilson, a 39-year-old digital marketer who’s experienced a handful of layoffs since 2020, tells Vox. “A lot of effort for no results. And to anyone who would say, Every no gets you one closer to your yes, I’d like to say, Shut the fuck up. … It’s actually demoralizing.’”

That’s exactly why it’s important not to jump in immediately. “Take a beat, feel your feelings, and potentially grieve a job that is no longer in your life,” Evans says. What does that look like? Call a friend or your therapist, or just sit on your ass and do nothing for a couple of days — whatever feels right. There will be a time for applications and networking, but give yourself a minute.

“Let’s get out of crisis mode; let’s get out of the stress cycle so that we can move into a place of making longer-term decisions,” Evans says.

If you were lucky to receive some sort of severance package, you might be able to grieve a job loss a little longer than someone who didn’t. But at some point, even with unemployment checks (which only last, at best, about 26 weeks), you’ll probably need a steady form of income to cover basic living expenses. And earning that might look different than what you’re used to.

When one 36-year-old living in New York City (whom Vox granted anonymity to avoid professional repercussions), was let go from her director-level marketing role for a fashion brand, her ego took a major hit as she searched tirelessly for work. Though she was able to eventually secure a new job, she considered it a step down in her career. The woman told Vox via email: “I TOOK A $50K PAY CUT (screams from the mountain tops). So I feel poor AF. Going from director to a specialist — yikes!”

Penza, on the other hand, didn’t take a job that she didn’t want to, but she still felt the stigma of being out of work and needing help to make ends meet. “I applied for state assistance, including health care and food benefits,” she says. “I had never done that before, and I didn’t even fully understand what SNAP benefits were.” As a Black woman, Penza says, she was “deeply aware of the stereotypes” associated with government assistance: “I was unmarried, pregnant with twins, unemployed, and now standing in line at the grocery store using food stamps to buy milk, cereal, and fruit. That moment stayed with me. It still stays with me. It forced me to confront a lot of internalized shame and pride simultaneously.”

Whether you’re receiving unemployment or working odd jobs to stay afloat, you may feel guilt, shame, or like you’re regressing in your career. In those moments, Evans says it’s important to always stay focused on next steps and remember that you’re not going to be in this predicament forever. “Why are we doing this?” she says to ask yourself. “I want to live in this place. I am able to afford my rent. I am able to make groceries. I am supercharging my debt payoff. … Let’s ground ourselves in that.”

Penza tried to do exactly that when things felt unbearable. “I had to reframe it,” she says. “I had to remind myself that I wasn’t a failure. It was a bridge for me. I was doing what I needed to do to take care of my children.”

Plus, it never hurts to focus on the present positives, even the small ones. The woman who lost her fashion job describes the boss who laid her off as “the devil who wore Zara.” Now, she says, she works for “actual angels” who do “mission-driven work.”

When Michael Young, a worker in his 40s in the AI and industrial technology space, was laid off at the start of the year, he took a close look at his spending and realized he was paying for streaming services and apps he was barely using. “I also cut back on food delivery,” Young says. “With more time to breathe, I started cooking again and remembered how much I enjoy it.”

And as someone whose weeks had been packed with meetings, Young welcomed his new daily itinerary. “For many of us in transition, the gift is schedule control,” he says. “I was finally able to get back to the gym three times a week.”

Young also sought free or low-cost ways to have fun, and says watching your budget more carefully can help you notice things you may have previously overlooked. “I also started paying attention to what local libraries, art centers, and community organizations were offering, and was delighted by how much is out there that’s free or nearly free,” he says. “It made me realize how much I’d been spending on convenience rather than actual enjoyment.”

That last bit — being more purposeful with your spending — can be an unexpected bonus in unemployment, Evans says. “A lot of times people don’t realize that sometimes that spending was a little mindless,” she says, adding that unemployment can be a “beautiful reset” to be more intentional about what brings you joy.

Jeff R., 56, reignited some forgotten interests, like guitar, woodworking, and volunteering, after he was laid off from his automotive logistics job in 2023. “While resuming neglected hobbies, learning new skills, and volunteering have certainly helped, I took more joy from simply not having to deal with the high expectations I set for myself (and that were set for me) at work,” he tells Vox.

Yes, your job gave you something to do throughout the day, but it also provided structure and an opportunity to socialize, even if you were remote. So once that goes away, it’s important to bring some semblance of community back into your life. “Reconnect with old friends,” Katie Dow, a financial planner from Bozeman, Montana, tells Vox. “Get more involved at a nonprofit. Meet new people.”

“It could be community centers, libraries, trivia nights if that’s something you’re into, book clubs,” Evans adds. “Finding community is going to be really important.” Wilson, for example, joined a choir after one of her layoffs. “I realized I needed to do something that I enjoy that would get me out of the house to make some new friends,” she says. “The side bonus I didn’t think about is that reigniting a hobby like this would give me a tangible sense of accomplishment and progress in the midst of near constant rejection from a job search.”

Plus, you never know who knows someone who is hiring. Davis recalls that many folks in her life jumped at the chance to help her and ask around their circles for job leads once they knew about her job loss. “People actually do think of you and care,” she says.

Losing a job doesn’t have to illuminate some serendipitous silver lining — the combo of losing your income and your identity for who knows how long can be particularly cruel. In the moments when I felt like a shell of my former self, I called my mom or made lunch with my best friend, a stay-at-home mom with a similar open schedule. Unemployment is extremely isolating, but knowing that I wasn’t in it alone helped me get to the next day.