Name: The aeroplane en suite

Age: Coming soon.

Appearance: Like a little flat in the sky.

There’s no en suite in my little sixth floor flat. Fine – like a little hotel room in the sky.

Do you mean airline passengers will soon have their own private bathrooms? Some passengers will.

Which ones? The very richest ones, in first class.

Where will the en suite be? In the overhead locker? I see you’re unfamiliar with what happens when you turn left on entering an aircraft.

You bump into the pilot. There’s a world of elegance and comfort in the forward cabins of luxury carriers unknown to ordinary economy ticket holders.

What kind of comfort? First class Emirates passengers, for example, travel in a personal pod the length of three plane windows. And the well-appointed bathroom just down the aisle boasts posh perfumes and free toothbrushes.

How much does that cost? It varies with demand and route length, but expect to pay between £6,000 and £13,000 one way.

£13,000 and I still have to walk to the bathroom? Not for long. Emirates CEO Tim Clark announced the forthcoming en suite at an industry summit last week. “I want everyone to hear that,” he said, “so everyone rushes out the door to find out how they can get bathrooms in first class suites.”

I know how: first, secure £13,000. One imagines the new en suite pods will be even more expensive than what’s currently on offer.

Appalling. Still, I suppose these innovations in comfort eventually trickle down to the poor economy customer. Actually it tends to have the opposite effect: for business and first class seats to get more comfortable, it often means economy ones must shrink.

I was on a flight recently, and the space afforded economy travellers couldn’t possibly get any smaller. It can, it does and it will. Ten years ago the average Boeing 777 had nine economy seats per row; now it has 10. The same is happening with seat pitch – the distance between your headrest and the one in front of you. Southwest Airlines is reportedly reducing economy seat pitch by an inch in order to increase legroom for premium customers.

Why are they doing this? For money, obviously. Luxury seats are more profitable, demand for them is rising, and plane interiors are being reconfigured accordingly.

Is there any good news? Well, I guess if we’re all packed in more tightly it will make for a more cosy journey!

Do say: “The new en suite cabin is the most luxurious form of air travel ever devised.”

Don’t say: “I’d give it a minute if I were you.”