There are simple adages which help us navigate this mad world. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When it heaves a beer your way on the field at PayPal Park, you give it a hearty chug.

The San Jose Earthquakes have been the season’s surprise outfit, storming to the top of a competitive Western Conference in Bruce Arena’s second season. In their final home fixture before the World Cup break, they stormed back against a valiant FC Dallas to find an 80th minute leveler, giving the crowd dreams of a comeback before the final whistle.

Instead, Dallas seized their opportunity. Sam Sarver had only entered in the 84th minute, fresh legs to harry the Quakes backline and spoil their hopes of a winner. Instead, he did something far more significant. Sarver’s scamper ended in a cool finish to ensure all three points for Dallas.

As if the sequence wasn’t already mad enough, Sarver reveled in his role as match winner. He took a couple teammates for a scuba dive off the ad boards, perhaps a homage to MLS cult hero Roger Levesque. While we don’t condone the San Jose faithful’s throwing of beers and debris at the 23-year-old, Sarver acted with an improviser’s instinct to “yes, and” by shotgunning one of the cervezas – a BAC-boost to get through the rest of stoppage time.

When life throws you a stadium beer, you best crush it.

This wasn’t just an underdog’s job well done. Dallas have had a resurgent year after a tumultuous 2025. Head coach Eric Quill has closed ranks and made his team incredibly tough to play against: well-stationed in defense, and opportunistic whenever they spring forward.

It helps to have arguably MLS’s best pure center-forward, mind you. Petar Musa looks poised to crest Croatia’s squad at the World Cup and, should he perform well, should command interest from European clubs this summer. Off the bench, Sarver and Musa’s sometimes strike partner, Logan Farrington, adds considerable initiative off the ball and goalscoring prowess. Farrington has five goals and two assists in 698 minutes this year. Sarver has three goals in 182 minutes after leading their Next Pro affiliate North Texas SC with 19 goals in 2025, earning the league’s MVP honor.

Under Quill, who led North Texas from 2019 to 2021, no team commit so deeply to the bunker-and-counter bit, per Futi. That has kept them in games with the West’s contending class, with the win against second-place San Jose further evidence after they contained breakout Real Salt Lake a week earlier.

Whether Musa stays or goes will play an outsized part in whether they can return to the conference final for the first time since 2015. Until then, scenes like Saturday’s show this team have fully moved past last season’s disastrous signing of Luciano Acosta and are relishing the aftermath – whether the opposing fans supply their post-win drinks or not.

While San Jose will rue three dropped points at home, they can take some comfort that their rivals atop the West also dropped a result …

Guilherme helps Houston lift off

Few outsiders knew what to expect when the Houston Dynamo announced the signing of Guilherme. A native son of São Paulo, the 31-year-old has had a nomadic career. A compatriot coach brought him to Saudi Arabia in 2020, but he returned to Grêmio in 2022 and seemed set for domestic journeyman status after moving to Santos.

He didn’t have the most glittering resume of MLS’s winter signings, but the Dynamo saw an on-ball wizard who could fit into Ben Olsen’s system. Houston offered a more prominent role (and a lower caliber of opponents’ defending) than he’d had in Brazil, as well as better facilities and in-stadium support than he saw in Saudi Arabia and the UAE. Guilherme has been in blistering form, with seven goals and four assists in his first 13 MLS matches.

His latest goal proved pivotal in Saturday’s win over Vancouver and was emblematic of how he’s taken MLS by storm. After playing a short corner late in a scoreless home contest against the mighty (albeit short-handed) Whitecaps, Guilherme mazed into the box and finished to turn one point into three for the Dynamo.

His fearlessness in possession can put defenders on skates, and he has the deft footwork to advance upfield on his own. He averages 2.9 successful dribbles per 90 minutes, the sixth-best in MLS, while his 12 goal contributions have him comfortably among the top 10 in the league in that category.

Guilherme is remarkably adept at scoring from low-likelihood looks, with five of his first seven strikes having been forged by solo efforts.

This may be a strong first impression while opponents refine their gameplans, but Guilherme has helped the Dynamo outperform expectations. Houston closed Saturday sixth in the West, while Guilherme is a credible contender to be the club’s second All-Star pick since 2018.

MLS has long been hospitable to crafty Brazilian dribblers, from Ilsinho’s super-sub turns with Philadelphia to Ibson’s all-gas-no-brakes approach in Minnesota’s midfield. His profile may not have jumped off the page at first glance, but his performances have made him appointment viewing on a team that desperately needed an entertainer.

“There is not a lot he can’t do,” Olsen said after the win. “Right foot, left foot, he can provide, he can serve, he is good in the air, he is a great athlete, and he is a great soccer player.”

Phil Neville does Miami

Inter Miami finally found a first victory at their new home, Nu Stadium, strolling to a 2-0 win over the Portland Timbers. The match doubled as Phil Neville’s first match against his former club since he was dismissed six weeks before Lionel Messi signed in the summer of 2023. True to expectation, it was Messi who led the landmark result at a stadium that already boasts a stand named in his honor.

Playing behind a strike tandem of Luis Suárez and Germán Berterame, Messi tested Portland early and often, placing four of his nine shots on target. His goal came from a give-and-go up the channel with Suárez that took a helpful backheeled prod from Telasco Segovia. Messi then created Miami’s second, dancing into the box before squaring the ball to Berterame, who finished nicely.

Speaking with Apple’s broadcast at halftime, Neville said he was happy with where his low-defensive block was stationed but wanted to see better tackling. Seemingly, the plan was for his players to win the lion’s share of one-on-ones with Messi and Co – a bold strategy, as most teams that succeed against Miami show more initiative in all phases.

To their credit, Portland were sharper with their challenges after the break, winning 60% of duels (including 78% of aerials) in the second-half after claiming 44% (38% aerially) in the first half. Days after being named to New Zealand’s squad for the World Cup, Finn Surman handled a downhill Messi scamper with grace in the 67th minute, forcing the Argentinian to his left for an off-center shot which Surman capably blocked. Containment may have been easier as Miami eased off after half-time: Miami created a healthy 2.45 xG worth of chances in the first, per Fotmob, while generating just 0.59 xG after the break.

This was Miami’s fifth win in seven games since Javier Mascherano’s shock departure, although only one came against a team ranked among either conference’s top eight.

Odds and ends

While Dallas and Houston left the weekend on a high, Austin FC are left to survey the wreckage. They suffered the ignominy of defeat against lowly Sporting Kansas City, seeing their 1-0 lead in the 78th minute squandered in a home fixture they expected to win. Questions abound about the club’s direction under sporting director Rodolfo Borrell, whose impressive CV working for Barcelona, Liverpool, and Manchester City hasn’t translated to success in Austin. In an accidental 2010 World Cup homage, the matchwinner from Stephen Afrifa curled like a Jabulani.

Wilfried Zaha was the headline omission from the Ivory Coast’s squad for the World Cup, missing out after starting for the Elephants during Afcon 2026. He seemed ready to prove a point on Saturday, slotting home the opening goal in Charlotte’s 3-1 win over Toronto FC. Zaha still has plenty to sort out this summer, as his loan deal expires at the end of June along with his contract at Galatasaray.

Orlando City continue to bide their time until Antoine Griezmann arrives after the World Cup, drawing 1-1 with Atlanta United. With attacking midfielder Martin Ojeda still in rare form, Griezmann projects to be needed up top, where his movement and accurate shooting would be a boon for a club who have been without a dependable center forward since they sold Daryl Dike in 2022.

Dike, for what it’s worth, will hit free agency at the end of next month, and could be in demand among MLS teams as he looks to get his career back on track after an injury-riddled tenure with West Brom.