The prosecution: Carol

Food should not fall out while you eat a sandwich, and your hands shouldn’t be sticky with sauce

I grew up in Ireland and, to me, a sandwich is a very specific thing: two slices of bread, with the filling neatly contained inside. It’s practical and it works. You don’t end up with food falling out everywhere or sauce dripping down your hands. Everything is held within the crust and evenly distributed – each bite makes sense.

My partner, Lucas, does not agree with this basic principle. He grew up in Norway, where we now live and where open sandwiches are the norm: one slice of bread, toppings piled on top, everything exposed. I don’t like it. He insists this is a Scandinavian thing, but even in Denmark, the country most famous for it (they are called smørrebrød), it’s neat and contained within the walls of the crust. Lucas always has things spilling over the edges. I want a normal sandwich.

Lucas has his own style of sandwich and, whether it’s open or closed, there’s no sense of restraint. He uses this Norwegian cheese slicer, the ostehøvel, which is a brilliant invention, but instead of placing one or two slices neatly on the bread, he shaves off multiple layers and arranges them so they hang off every edge. It’s not intentional, he says, but the result is the same: cheese sticking out at odd angles, falling everywhere as he eats it.

And that’s my issue: food should not be falling out while you eat a sandwich; your hands shouldn’t be sticky with sauce. With Lucas, there’s always something escaping – cheese, sauce, fillings – and he just accepts it. The same thing happens with tacos. I’ve tried to show him how to fold one properly but he overfills it, folds it into a sort of log, and everything spills out.

Even when we cook together, I see his differing style of cooking. I dice vegetables neatly; he leaves them in large chunks because he wants to “feel” them. I “feel” annoyed. We’ve been together 12 years and he has improved but, fundamentally, we approach food differently. If Lucas wants to eat messily, fine, but let’s not pretend it still meets the basic criteria of a proper sandwich and let’s not have open sandwiches all the time.

The defence: Lucas

Two slices of bread feels a bit excessive. It’s too much bread compared with the filling

I am Scandinavian, and I think that context matters more than Carol gives it credit for. Where I’m from, open sandwiches are completely normal. It’s how we eat lunch every day, one slice of bread with toppings. So I’m just following what I’ve grown up with. The idea of always needing two slices of bread feels excessive. It becomes too much bread compared to the filling. But I do adjust it for Carol. If I’m making an open sandwich, I cut the bread thicker, so it’s more similar to what she is used to. If I’m making a closed sandwich, I cut it thinner. It’s not random.

Carol doesn’t like my open sandwiches because she says they are messy. The issue with the cheese is misunderstood. I use an ostehøvel, which is a standard tool in Norway. It’s efficient, it gives you consistent slices and you know exactly what you’re getting. My goal when I make a sandwich is simple: I want the cheese to cover the whole surface. I don’t want any bites without cheese. So sometimes it goes slightly over the edge, but that’s not because I’m trying to make a mess, it’s because I’m trying to make it even. The Irish and Brits just chop random pieces off a block with a knife.

The mess I make is also down to the fact that the bread I use is different from what Carol uses. In Norway, loaves are often more oval-shaped, like sourdough, not perfectly rectangular like a sliced pan in Ireland or white loaf in England. So when you put square slices of cheese or toppings on it, there’s naturally going to be some mismatch. It’s not poor technique, just the shape of the ingredients.

As for things being “messy”, I think that’s exaggerated. Yes, sometimes fillings fall out, but that’s because I like having a lot of filling. I like the good things in life and I want more cheese. The same goes for tacos. My instinct is to put a lot in, because that’s the enjoyable part. Even with vegetables, it’s the same philosophy. I cut them larger because I want to feel the texture, not have everything disappear into the same consistency. There isn’t one correct way to make a sandwich.

The jury of Guardian readers

They both need to let sandwiches be sandwiches. Open, closed, round, square, crusts on, crusts off … it’s just bread and filling. Why doesn’t Carol pop a lid on hers if she doesn’t like Lucas’s style? And Lucas, take your lid off when Carol’s preparing them.
Nicola, 51

Technically, Carol is correct: a sandwich involves two slices of bread, so an “open sandwich” is a contradiction in terms. The real issue, though, is: should Lucas be allowed to eat what he enjoys? Of course he should. By the same token, if Lucas is making a sandwich for Carol, he should make it the way she likes it.
Tom,43

Carol needs to accept that plates and cutlery can be used for sandwiches. It’s her insistence on describing everything that comes on bread as a sandwich that’s the problem – it sounds like she’d even serve beans on toast between two slices.
Andy, 53

In the words of Chris Stapleton and Justin Timberlake: “Sometimes the greatest way to say something is to say nothing at all.”
Amanda 58

As long as Lucas is using a plate (or a vacuum cleaner), I don’t see what the issue is. Is Carol perhaps homing in on these cultural differences because she’s feeling homesick?
Gerald, 46

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, you decide: is Lucas toast?

The poll closes on Wednesday 6 May at 9am BST

Last week’s results

We asked whether Steven should stop using hair products that could be poisonous to pets.

47% of you said yes – Steven is guilty

52% of you said no – Steven is not guilty