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The Guardian

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The one change that worked: I felt like an outsider in my...
Annabel Lee · 2026-05-11 · via The Guardian

I live in a fairly average town in Oxfordshire, and despite having friends and family nearby, I never felt as if I was properly a part of the community. I didn’t feel rooted, or that I knew my neighbours beyond a quick hello. I moved here in my late 20s with my partner and spent a lot of time at home. In my 30s, I got a dog, had children and started working from home.

As a result, I spent a lot more time in my local area, but I still felt like an outsider. At this point in my life, where I was focused on building a family and setting down my own roots, this lack of connection made me feel isolated – until I started volunteering.

It started with the parent-teacher association (PTA). Before I had children, I never imagined I would be a member of the PTA. I thought people who got involved were a certain type of parent with a passion for clipboards and too much time on their hands.

But when a friend mentioned the PTA at my children’s school needed volunteers for the summer fete, I decided to give it a go. I was tasked with running the glitter face-paint stall and spent a joyful couple of hours covered in sparkles. My technique was questionable, but I had lots of wonderful conversations and fun while attempting to get glitter to stick to people’s faces.

Since then, I have become a fully signed up member of the PTA. I’ve applied temporary tattoos, sold cakes and run the bottle tombola. I’ve set up countless folding tables and moved many boxes of fizzy drinks, sweets and pocket money toys to be sold at school discos. The experience has been overwhelmingly positive, and it’s completely changed my opinion about rolling up my sleeves and getting stuck in.

I love getting to see a bit more of my children’s lives and finding out what they are like at school. I have also really enjoyed meeting other members of the PTA – they’re a far cry from the cliched image I had in my head. I’ve heard horror stories about PTA politics, but luckily I’ve never experienced any of it.

Annabel Lee stood in a school playground holding a stack of colourful socks
‘I’ve applied temporary tattoos, sold cakes and run the bottle tombola’ … Annabel Lee. Photograph: Sarah Lee/The Guardian

Everyone in our PTA has a job and volunteers around their work, life and family; it’s not the image of cliquey parents I expected. There’s no pressure, but there is the option to get involved when you can, in the ways that work for you.

It’s that approach to volunteering that led me to sign up to marshal at my local parkrun. Spending Saturday mornings in a wet field, directing runners while wearing a hi-vis jacket, wasn’t on my vision board, but it’s been a real joy. The runners are very grateful to the volunteers and I feel a genuine sense of community and connection when I do it. It’s hard not to when hundreds of runners are saying thank you or wishing you a lovely weekend as they pass. Walking back to the start line, I feel like a local celebrity – everyone is so nice, and it makes me want to be a nicer person, too.

Getting involved in the PTA and parkrun have helped me meet and talk to so many people I wouldn’t normally. It’s easy to bond over an unlucky draw in the tombola, and being caught in the rain or mud together is a great icebreaker.

When my children were very young, I couldn’t understand how people had the time or energy to volunteer for anything. I was too busy trying to survive early motherhood. But as they have grown older, I have found more time and energy.

Volunteering helps other people, but it has also boosted my mood. I’ve experienced the helper’s high – feeling good after doing something for other people – and I also feel a deeper sense of connection to the neighbourhood and people around me.

I volunteer sporadically and when it works for me. It’s not a huge inconvenience. It brings so much happiness to my life and I’ve realised the best way for me to find a sense of community, is to get involved and help create it myself.