The prosecution: Alda
I know she’s expressing herself, but when you mix everything up, it looks thrown together and cheap
There’s a time and a place for eclecticism but I think it’s a cardinal sin to mix gold and silver jewellery. I understand the beauty of self-expression but my girlfriend Rachel can sometimes take it too far.
Whenever she mixes things, I think it looks cheap. I’ve given her gold pieces over the years and she combines them with bits collected on her travels that are made of beads, steel or fake silver. Stainless steel turns brassy and doesn’t look good after two wears.
Maybe it’s because I’m 15 years older than Rachel and I grew up with these rules: metals don’t mix, colour combinations like pink and green should never be seen, etc. But with Rachel, all of that is thrown out the window. I know she thinks I’m rigid, maybe even controlling, like I’m being her mum, but it’s not about control: it’s about looking your best.
I also think that because I bought her a lot of these pricey pieces, I’d love to see them shown off properly. I love Rachel and want us to get married soon, but we’ve looked at rings and I hate the thought of a wedding band combined with silver and cheaper pieces. I think a wedding band should stand by itself, so it really sings.
When I see Rachel pair a delicate piece with something that’s cheap-looking, or layer necklaces that are made from multiple metals, I have a reaction. My chest tightens because I find it all visually discordant. If I’ve bought the piece, I also think: that doesn’t honour what I gave her.
I know she’s expressing herself, but when you mix everything up, it’s hard to see what that look is supposed to be. Rachel tells me that it’s none of my business. I’m not trying to do that; I just want to offer some worldly advice.
We’ve been together for seven years and we rib each other about things, but get on very well. I like everything about her appearance except this tendency to combine cheap and expensive jewellery. As a compromise, I’d love to see her wear only the gifted gold pieces on their own.
The defence: Rachel
They’re not Alda’s hands to worry about – I like my mismatched mess. Why does it matter to her?
I’m not sure why Alda cares what I wear: they aren’t her hands, it’s not her neck. And yet every time she sees me layer together some jewellery she doesn’t like, she sighs and says “you know, it looks so much better when you wear all-silver or all-gold.” When I slide a silver ring next to a gold one, or wear a beaded or glass piece from Morocco with a delicate gold chain she gave me for my birthday, it’s as if I’ve created a crime scene on my body.
I get it, because she’s 15 years older than me: I’m 33 and she’s 48. She’s old-school and grew up in a world where mixing metals was indeed a cardinal sin. She says my style “cheapens” my look, so it’s ironic that her own look isn’t exactly expensive. She doesn’t look the most put-together, and is always in baggy trousers and blouses with plain silver jewellery. I’ve even told her that she needs to spice up her look a bit – and guess what? She tells me to piss off.
How you wear your clothes is about self-expression. My fake silver ring from Thailand that turned brassy on my finger has memories. If I want to wear it alongside a real gold ring, that’s my prerogative.
Alda says if we get married, she wants our wedding rings to “sing” on their own and not be overshadowed by cheaper pieces, which I do get. But I feel she’s lording that over me a bit. And my love isn’t represented by jewellery anyway. If I chose to wear something else on top of my wedding ring, it doesn’t diminish my love for her; that’s ridiculous.
Alda keeps saying, “there’s a time and a place for eclecticism.” But I still don’t get why it should matter to her. I like my mismatched mess. And if that annoys her, that’s on Alda, not me. No one else has ever commented apart from my mother.
Perhaps that’s another reason I want to resist changing it – I don’t want Alda to tell me off as if I’m her daughter. So I’ll keep stacking my rings and layering jewellery how I please. To do otherwise wouldn’t be to be true to myself.
The jury of Guardian readers
Alda’s attitude to Rachel’s “cheap” jewellery says more about her rather judgmental attitude – and need for control – than it does her taste. This issue represents more than just jewellery, and I hope Rachel gets to the bottom of it before slipping on that weighty band of gold.
Jennifer, 41
Live and let live! Rachel’s style is her style, as is Alda’s. Rachel deserves to wear what she wants, how she wants. Love isn’t represented through matching materiality, but rather what’s beneath the surface of the rings.
Leo,19
Alda may feel as though she’s keeping Rachel from looking tacky, but it comes across as if she’s more interested in how her partner looks to others. How Rachel dresses is her own business, and Alda should get over herself – unless she enjoys those comparisons to Rachel’s mother.
Phil, 42
It sounds like Alda is dictating what Rachel wears. However, she’s right about treating more expensive pieces with care, like a future wedding ring. Let Rachel wear what she wants – but maybe listen to Alda about the wedding rings.
Rachel, 30
How Rachel chooses to wear her jewellery is her business. Once a gift is given, it’s the property of the recipient to do with it as they please. Alma should remember the Rachel she fell in love with and encourage her to be herself.
Anne, 61
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Rachel stop mixing and matching her metals?
The poll is now closed
Last week’s results
We asked whether Maggie should stop asking her son to buy headphones for her.
93% of you said yes – Maggie is guilty
7% of you said no – Maggie is not guilty