I met Rohan in 1998 in Lismore, New South Wales, where we were both going to university. Before that, I’d noticed him around town in his sarong and peacock feather earrings. He was distinctive and slightly dandyish, sometimes wearing dresses on campus. I had another partner at the time but our mutual friend introduced us, and Rohan and I became housemates.
We bonded living together and hosting dinner parties, where we’d talk about life and politics well into the night. I was intrigued by his friends. One time Rohan invited a member of the Black Panthers to come and stay at our house.
After that year in Lismore, Rohan went to live on Lamb Island in Queensland and we lost contact. Then in 2001 we reconnected at a May Day rally in Naarm. We went to see his friend’s folk punk band Mutiny playing at the Tote hotel and, because I was living nearby, I invited him to stay over. In those days lots of friends stayed in my bed, partly for convenience as I lived close to the party precinct. We did share some intimacy that night but in my mind it was still quite casual.
We started hanging out again and embarked on a road trip to attend a protest at Woomera in the South Australian desert. The Howard government had set up a detention centre where refugees were being imprisoned. My role was to provide first aid for injured protesters while Rohan was helping to set up the protest camp.
On the first night we were sleeping in the back of the car when the police turned up and started arresting people. After that I was on edge and couldn’t sleep much.
There were a lot of traumatic moments over those days of the protest, from that first night to detained refugees coming up to the fence and trying desperately to escape. There was one incident where a mother passed her child to Rohan through a small hole in the fence. These events took a deep emotional toll on us.
After the protests wrapped up, we got a hotel room together in Port Augusta. I remember we held each other and cried, comforting each other from the human trauma we had witnessed. I had a feeling of Rohan being my safe space where I could share this release and catharsis. I realised we didn’t just hold the same political values but could also provide each other with that deep level of emotional support. I’d never felt that way with anyone before.
It’s crazy to think that was over 20 years ago. Since then, we’ve lived in Darwin, travelled in Asia and moved to Castlemaine. After our daughter Ksenya was born, parenting became all-consuming, so protesting took a back seat. Rohan has worked as a teacher, often in disadvantaged schools, and I’m a health promotion officer, so I feel like we’re still making a positive impact for the community.
Rohan has been a great father and is always willing to talk through the challenges we’ve faced as parents. He’s definitely not an alpha male – he doesn’t display that kind of toxic masculinity, though he can be a bit despondent at the state of the world. But we still have great fun together and I love his generous spirit and sense of adventure. And when I’m with him, he’s still my safe space.