I have been with my partner Martin for 10 years, and he has always told me that he doesn’t want to get married. He thinks that the institution of marriage is a way for the state to control us. He also thinks that marriage is inherently patriarchal – and, honestly, I can’t argue with him about any of this.

But the truth is that I’ve had my whole wedding day mapped out in my head since I was seven. As a child I loved daydreaming about adulthood, and a huge wedding was the most adult thing I could possibly imagine. When other children were playing Pokémon, I was thinking about precisely how many tiki torches I wanted to light the way to the blessing ceremony. I didn’t really visualise the groom; he was a kind of blurry Ken-doll figure. My visions mainly centred around myself.

Despite all my childhood wedding planning, I’d given up on the idea of getting married – until I watched Too Much, Lena Dunham’s 2025 Netflix show about a loud, chaotic American woman, Jessica (Meg Stalter), who is overly intense and frequently displays poor judgment, such as getting wasted at a work party and stealing a soap dish.

Her love interest, Felix, played by Will Sharpe, is flawed and difficult himself – but he just adores Jessica in this dogged, unquestioning way. And that is my other big weakness. Time and time again – on screen and in real life – I just love a man who falls hard for a slightly mad woman.

I think this kind of story speaks to me because I see myself as the flappy, loud woman and Martin as the devoted partner who loves her anyway. Felix reminds me of Martin in other ways, too. Having read Dunham’s autobiography, Famesick, she seems to have a thing for a grungy indie boy. The kind of man who might be found wearing a leather jacket, and playing a small drum. Martin was wearing a skull-and-crossbones neckerchief the second time I met him, to cover the love bites I gave him from the night before.

In the final episode of the show, the couple get married, and what struck me most about this wedding scene was its casualness. It’s set on the steps of a town hall in London, and after the bride and groom have their first kiss, Felix turns to Jessica and says: “So how long do you want to stay married for?” I liked the way that joke collapsed the tension of the moment. It also felt more romantic to me because it was truthful. I like the idea of choosing to be with the person you’re with afresh, every day, rather than believing that the vows somehow lock you in and dictate that you are going to be together for ever.

I was watching the final episode alone at my parents’ house in London, and as the credits rolled I felt so swept up with love that I called Martin and proposed to him over the phone. My argument was essentially: I love you even more than these characters love each other in this TV show, so why can’t we get married too?

Martin hadn’t watched any of Too Much, so he was a bit confused, but I won him round by promising him that I didn’t want to have the huge wedding I’d been planning since I was seven any more. (Martin’s nightmare is to be the centre of attention, but I must admit I love the idea.)

We could do it in my parents’ house. Or anywhere, really. And we didn’t have to invite any guests. For all his talk of state-sponsored control and the patriarchy, Martin is quite romantic, really. He hates the concept of a Big Day, but he probably likes the idea of lifelong commitment more than I do. It took some persuading, but he said yes.

Martin and I will get married this September in my parents’ kitchen. There will be no cake, or white dress, and no tiki torches. I keep trying to sneak more people on to the guestlist and Martin keeps crossing them out. But there will be a wedding. I have Lena Dunham to thank for that.