Name: Micro-staycations.

Age: New.

Appearance: Like a holiday, only smaller. See if you can guess what it is.

Hmm, micro-staycation … is it: instead of going on holiday, staying at home and circling the kitchen table on a small scooter? Because: cost of living, global conflict, uncertainty, etc. It’s not, but actually you’re not far off.

I do remember reading about the “micro-cation” recently. A concentrated short getaway, four nights max, not unlike the mini-break – no, we’re not talking about them.

Well, I know what a staycation is, so I’m guessing this is also about not going abroad? You’re getting closer (there’s a clue there too, as there was when I said “you’re not far off” earlier).

Are we talking about proximity? From home? Bingo!

How far? Less than 100 miles.

That’s where we’re holidaying this year? I need data. The UK’s Camping and Caravanning Club …

With its handful of members … With its 730,000 members.

Bloody hell! … says it has seen a 6% increase in members travelling only 51-100 miles from home to their holiday destination this year.

A 6% increase in those travelling 51-100 miles … I’m confused. The club also says there has been a 7% drop in the average distance travelled compared with last year, if that helps.

It does, thank you. People are travelling less far, in other words. Or: home is where the heart is. Home is where the budget is, certainly.

Any case studies? Well, the philosopher Immanuel Kant supposedly never travelled far from his home town of Königsberg in Prussia (Kaliningrad in Russia today), even if his thinking spread across the globe.

I don’t think he did anything on transcendental micro-staycationing, did he? I was thinking more recently. The Daily Mail spoke to a caravanning enthusiast called Rebecca Humphrey.

And Humphrey said? “I think a lot of people think you’ve got to travel really far to all these amazing places, but actually there’s always so many gorgeous places on your doorstep that you might not have heard about.”

She’s obviously never been to my doorstep. Anyway, is this just about caravanning? No. Just last month Airbnb revealed in its travel trend forecast that UK staycations are booming and, in order not to break the bank, Britons are heading to some unlikely inland domestic destinations.

Such as? Harrow, Stirling, Stretford, Milton Keynes …

Milton Keynes is where the heart is! Again, it’s more about budget. And being within reach of major cities, but cheaper and with more space.

Do say: “Yes! We are nearly there!”

Don’t say: “No, not the Scottish one – Perth in Australia, Qantas flies direct …”