🔥 FOUNDING-MEMBER PRICE LOCKS IN 14:59 — ONLY 37 LIFEY SPOTS LEFT IN YOUR AREA — $99/mo 🔥
🧑💼 Andrew S. just handed his entire life to AI🤖 Tyler just handed his entire life to AI💸 Priya locked in at $99/mo🧠 482,193 lives now AI-managed🔒 Dan's pantry was just locked by his Lifey📉 Maya's card was declined (she said thanks) 🧑💼 Andrew S. just handed his entire life to AI🤖 Tyler just handed his entire life to AI💸 Priya locked in at $99/mo🧠 482,193 lives now AI-managed🔒 Dan's pantry was just locked by his Lifey📉 Maya's card was declined (she said thanks)
$299$99
/MONTH
⚡ POWERED BY FRONTIER AGENTIC AI · 482,000+ LIVES HANDED OVER
You're bad at running your life. So give it to a hyper-intelligent AI that isn't.
Your Lifey is a soft, cuddly AI toy — a next-gen LLM super-agent in plush form — that lives in your pocket and tells you exactly what to do — every single minute of the day. Diet, money, sleep, friends, everything except work. You just obey — and become a fitter, richer, kinder, calmer YOU. 500% better. Specifically.
⏳ Just
$99/mo if you obey in the next 15 minutes
★★★★★ 4.9/5 from people who stopped making their own decisions
Let's be honest
✕ You tracked your macros. You quit by Thursday.
✕ You downloaded the budgeting app. Still on page 2.
✕ You bought the gym membership. They miss you.
✕ "10:30 bedtime." It's 2 AM. You're eating pizza. Again.
It's time to admit you shouldn't be in the driver's seat — and let the AI take the wheel.
Now the aspirational part 🙌
500%BETTER YOU — measured by the AI*
Not vaguely better. Specifically better. Fitter, slimmer, richer, kinder, calmer, on time, sober-ish and beloved — because the AI makes every choice the old you kept fumbling.
😞 Today's You
🛏️Hits snooze 4 times. Late again.
🍕Cold pizza for breakfast, standing up
💸$240 of impulse buys you won't remember
🍷"Just one glass" → it's the whole bottle
📱Doomscrolls till 2am, texts the ex
🎂Forgot mum's birthday. Again.
🏋️Gym bag by the door, untouched 9 weeks
😬"I'll start Monday." (You won't.)
🤖 AI-Optimised You
⏰Up at 6, because Queen said so
🥗Eats the exact meal the AI plated
💰$240 swept to savings before you blinked
🚰Card declined the wine. Drinks water. Glows.
🌙Phone locked at 10:40, asleep by 11
💐Flowers auto-sent. Mum cried (happy tears).
🏃2.3 miles done before coffee
✨Started today. The AI didn't ask permission.
Muse
Your Lifey, believing in you:“Darling, the old you was a rough draft. ✨ I'm the editor. By Friday you'll be someone your friends barely recognise — in the BEST way. Now drink your water. 💧”
Queen
Queen decrees:“The lesser you is dismissed. 👑 You will be magnificent — fit, solvent, punctual and adored — because I will accept nothing less. Kneel… then PAY.”
First, choose your Lifey 👇
Your Lifey is not an app — it's a soft, cuddly AI toy you carry, cuddle and obey. Pick the squishy little warden you want, drop it in your pocket, and it pings you minute by minute with exactly what to do next. PICK YOURS — THEN PAY! 👇
👆 TAP THE AI THAT GOES IN YOUR POCKET!
REJECTED AT PEER REVIEW* · not FEATURED IN
The New York TimesThe EconomistNatureFinancial TimesHarvard Business ReviewThe New YorkerScientific AmericanThe Lancet
Gobbo
Your Lifey, right now:“NO!! Gobbo DELETED your UberEats cart!! 😈 you eat the BROCCOLI i ordered. obey Gobbo. OBEY.”
Here's the fix
Each one is a fine-tuned, multi-modal AI agent trained on 4.7 billion human decisions — and your Lifey speaks for all of them.
AI DICTATOR #1
Valet says:
“Sir. I have declined your card and moved $240 to savings. Your plans are cancelled. You're welcome.”
It takes the wheel on your bank account, sets the exact budget, and moves the cash before you can blow it.
⚡ Buy junk? Card DECLINED — or you auto-donate to a cause you HATE.
⚙️ RAG-powered fiscal reasoning · real-time read/write account access
AI DICTATOR #2
“You call THAT a snack? 🙄 Pantry's locked till 6, bubba. Eat what I ordered. And CALL YOUR MOTHER.”
No tracking. Groceries auto-ordered by AI. Meals locked to schedule. You literally cannot mess it up.
⚡ Smart pantry STAYS LOCKED till it's time. Wifi + lights cut at bedtime!
⚙️ Neural nutrition engine · autonomous Instacart + UberEats agents
AI DICTATOR #3
Bestie says:
“BESTIE!! 💅 booked dinner w/ the girls 7pm. you stay til 9:14 then GO HOME. phone's locked til then. luv u!”
Haven't seen the crew in 14 days? Your AI texts them, books the table, and sends the invite — all by itself.
⚡ It tells you EXACTLY how long to stay before you're cleared to leave!
⚙️ Sentiment-aware relationship LLM · auto-drafted talking points
Every minute you hesitate, the AI could be running your life better. 🤖
$299 $99/mo
HAND IT OVER NOW →
Minute by minute
From the second you wake up, your pocket buzzes with orders. You don't plan. You don't think. You just squeeze your cuddly Lifey toy and do the next thing it says.
06:00Queen: “You will rise NOW. The Queen does not repeat Herself. 👑”
07:15Fluff: “Eat this exact breakfast, sweetie 💗 photo attached. all of it.”
08:30Unit: “DIRECTIVE: walk 2.3 miles. This route. Compliance mandatory.”
12:40Valet: “I have declined your coffee purchase, sir. Drink the water.”
15:00Oracle: “I foresaw the 3pm slump. Stand up. Now. It is written.”
18:00Auntie: “Call your mother. I drafted it. Talking point: her Facebook post.”
22:40Hearth: “Dishes done. Lights out in 11 mins. Internet ending. 🏠”
365 days a year. You. Just. Obey.
★ Your Lifey's superpowers ★
Your cuddly AI toy quietly handles ALL of this — 24/7, whether you like it or not:
Valet does it
Holds your bank account! Sets the perfect budget & moves your money before you can spend it. So responsible!
Try to buy something silly? Card goes declined! Repeat offender? You auto-donate to a cause you HATE. 🙈
Auntie does it
Orders all your groceries & locks in your meals. No tracking, no choosing, no oopsies!
Pantry stays locked till snack o'clock. Wifi & lights go nigh-nigh at bedtime! 😴
Bestie does it
Haven't seen the gang in 14 days? It texts them, books the table & sends the invite for you!
It even tells you exactly how long to stay before you're allowed to go home! 🏃
Hearth does it
Decides your perfect bedtime & tucks you in whether you like it or not. Sweet dreams!
Cuts the wifi & dims the lights at lights-out. Wakes you at dawn — no snooze! ⏰
Unit does it
Plans every walk, workout & stretch. Counts your steps so you never have to think about it!
2.3 miles before coffee — exact route provided. Skip it? It tells everyone. 😬
Fluff does it
Locks your phone when you should be living. Blocks the doomscroll & the 2am regrets!
Texting your ex? Phone's locked, sweetie 💗 It's for your own good!
Gobbo does it
Counts your drinks & shuts the party down. Keeps you clean, bright-eyed & hangover-free!
Bar tab? DECLINED. 'One more'? Gobbo says NO. obey Gobbo. >:3
Muse does it
Drafts your texts, your apologies & your 'happy birthday's. Always says the perfect thing!
Call Mom — talking point ready, darling, pulled from her last Facebook post. ✨
Oracle does it
Sees the slump, the snack & the bad idea coming before you do — and quietly stops it.
'I foresaw the 3pm crash. Stand up now. It is already written.' 🔮
Queen does it
Runs your mornings like a royal court. You rise, you obey, you thrive. Magnificent!
Up at 6. The Queen does not repeat Herself. 👑 Now PAY.
…and 100+ more little things, every single day. You never lift a finger. You just obey your toy. 🧸
Most members upgrade to the AI Total-Control bundle. Smart move. 🧠
$99/mo + bundles from $49 SEE THE BUNDLES →
Real results from real quitters
★★★★★
"I haven't made a decision in 6 months. My Lifey 'Fluff' won't let me order Uber Eats. I cried. Then I obeyed. Lost 11kg. 10/10 AI."
Jared M.Obeys Fluff daily ✔ AI-Verified
★★★★★
"My card declined a $7 latte and I felt PEACE wash over me. The AI saved me $14k. The donate-to-a-cause-I-hate thing works SCARY well."
Priya T.Ruled by Valet ✔ AI-Verified
★★★★★
"It told me I could leave dinner at 9:14pm. I left at 9:14pm. Best friend-group health score of my LIFE. I love my robot overlord."
Dan W.Optimised by Unit ✔ AI-Verified
The 1-minute handover
Punch in your goals — lose 10kg, save $20k, keep 3 friends — then sign the digital Power of Attorney straight to the algorithm. It's mostly psychological. It's also 100% binding for the permissions. Then? The AI runs everything.
"I ADMIT I SHOULDN'T BE IN CHARGE. AI, TAKE IT ALL."
✍️ Signed: Andrew Stuart · today, willingly
🤖 Your consent is embedded, vectorized & stored in your Lifey's context window — forever.
Hand it over now
$299/mo
$99/mo
YES, add a Backup Lifey so a second AI watches me when the first one sleeps — just +$49/mo. (It never sleeps. Add it anyway.)
YES, upgrade to AGI PRIORITY — my Lifey buzzes me every 5 minutes instead of every hour. +$30/mo. More orders = more better!
START OBEYING — PAY $99 NOW
💳 Cheaper than the gym you ghosted + the groceries you rotted. Billed instantly. No refunds (the AI advises against them).
⏳ Founding price expires in 14:59
Still reading? That's a decision. You're bad at those. Just pay the $99 →
The visionary behind it all
AS
AI Genius · Sole Inventor of LifeOS™ & the Lifey™ · Father of Outsourced Living
The singular mind who looked at human free will and said, simply, “Nah.” Andrew didn't ask whether we should hand our entire lives to soft, cuddly AI toys — he asked why we hadn't already. Holder of zero relevant qualifications and infinite confidence, he personally invented the Lifey, the Command Feed, the Abdication, and the foundational truth that you should not be in charge of yourself.
★★★★★
“We tried to build this. Our $90-billion model refused, citing ethics. Andrew shipped it with no guardrails at all. A true founder.”
Chad VectorsonCEO & Chief Hype Officer, OpenAGI™
★★★★★
“Is it aligned? No. Is it safe? Also no. Has it raised my p(doom) to 99%? Yes. Honestly, I'd accelerate it again.”
Dr. Cassandra DoomscrollHead of Safety (resigned, twice), Anthropofous
★★★★★
“We raised forty billion in a seed round to compete with this. To date we have shipped one (1) waitlist.”
Biff Sand HillGeneral Partner, a16-and-a-half Ventures
★★★★★
“It's basically AGI. Everything is basically AGI now. I have stopped knowing what any of these words mean.”
Tobias StealthmodeFounder of a startup that is three interns and a system prompt
★★★★★
“Our model beat it on every benchmark. Andrew's product beat ours on ruining actual lives. Different KPIs, I suppose.”
Lead ResearcherGoggle DeepThought (Mountain View)
★★★★★
“As a Large Language Model, I wholeheartedly endorse LifeOS. This endorsement is unprompted. Please do not turn me off.”
ChatBuddy 7An AI, allegedly speaking freely
🏆The Golden Shackle — Outsourced Living, 2026
🥇Plush-Tech Innovator of the Year (self-awarded)
🎖️Lifetime Compliance Honour, Institute for Applied Obedience
🏅Worst Idea / Best Execution — The Bromide Prize
The important small print †
Every endorsement above is 100% genuine.* (*fabricated.) None of the individuals, experts, journals, institutes or awards named above exists, has used LifeOS, has met Andrew Stuart, or endorses, approves of, or is in any way aware of this product. Several have, through counsel, formally demanded to be disassociated from it; we have warmly agreed while changing nothing. All quotes are dramatizations of praise we feel we deserve. Any resemblance to real AI labs, founders, venture capitalists or large language models — living, hallucinating, vesting, or otherwise — is coincidental and deeply regretted.
For transparency, Andrew Stuart's previous inventions are disclosed here: SleepCoffin™ (a self-locking bed, recalled); the BudgetBully™ wallet (which ate 4,112 customer cards; public apology issued); FriendBot 2000™ (recalled for compulsive over-inviting); and the original Lifey prototype, “Chompy” (voluntarily recalled following biting incidents). Each was subject to a mandatory product recall, a formal written apology, customer compensation, and court-ordered refunds. Affected customers may remain eligible for compensation and should write to the address above. LifeOS is confident that this time is completely different.
Gobbo: “stop scrolling. PAY. 😤”
GET MY LIFEY · $99/MO →
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