Following her well-publicized 2024 divorce from Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez did what a lot of people do when the relationship they poured so much of themselves into melts down: she took inventory of her life, her choices and her intentions.

“After my last divorce, I just sat there and I was like, I canceled my tour and I sat there and I was just like, ‘You need to f—ing figure yourself out. What is going on with you? Forget about everybody else. There’s nobody to blame here except yourself, in a certain way,'” Lopez said she told herself during an appearance on the SmartLess podcast on Monday (June 15).

The singer and Office Romance star told hosts Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Will Arnett that the past few years have been filled with tumult, from the divorce to the recent graduation of her twin 18-year-old children, Emme (who recently changed their name to Oskar Jacob) and Max and moving into a new house.

“Everything in my life has changed over the past couple years,” she said of buying the house and several horses, the latter in a bid to get her kids to come back home. “The past 20 years, it’s been one thing, the past five years has been a tumult, and then the last two years has been kind of the healing process from that tumult where I really got to know myself. The person I am today is so different than the person I was even two years ago, it’s crazy. And now I can really look at my life, appreciate it for what it is and what I’ve created for myself and be really happy.”

Lopez, 56, who was briefly married to actor/producer Ojani Noa from 1997-1998, dancer Cris Judd from 2001-2003, singer Marc Anthony from 2004-2014 (with whom she shares the twins) and Affleck from 2022-2025, alluded to times when it felt like “my life blew up in my own face,” without naming names or incidents.

“It was because of the choices I made, but also because of the fact that I had things that needed to change about myself that I didn’t understand or recognize that was attracting certain things and attracting a certain type of experience into my life,” said Lopez. “There comes a point where it’s all so puzzling and wrong where you have to sit there.”

Lopez and Affleck were began dating in 2002 and got engaged before breaking up and then reconnecting in 2021 and marrying the following year. They appear to be on good terms, with Affleck appearing alongside Lopez at the premiere of her remake of Kiss of the Spider-Woman — which he co-produced — in October and Lopez telling Jimmy Kimmel last month that she’s realized what the issue is. “I’ve been doing it all wrong!” she told the late-night host about dating and marriage. “I’ve been doing it all wrong, trust me.”

Though neither party has gotten into the specifics of what caused their marriage to fall apart, Lopez told the SmartLess crew that she doesn’t think it was entirely her fault, while noting that the Affleck divorce prompted some self-reflection. “Not that people don’t behave in a way that’s not great, but [I asked myself] ‘What are you doing? What do you have going on?’ ” she said. “And that was a turning point for me. That was a couple of years ago now.”

Listen to Lopez on SmartLess below and watch Office Romance on Netflix now.

Get weekly rundowns straight to your inbox

Sign Up