Personal AI agents incur substantial cost via repeated LLM calls. We show existing caching methods fail: GPTCache achieves 37.9% accuracy on real benchmarks; APC achieves 0-12%. The root cause is optimizing for the wrong property -- cache effectiveness requires key consistency and precision, not classification accuracy. We observe cache-key evaluation reduces to clustering evaluation and apply V-measure decomposition to separate these on n=8,682 points across MASSIVE, BANKING77, CLINC150, and NyayaBench v2, our new 8,514-entry multilingual agentic dataset (528 intents, 20 W5H2 classes, 63 languages). We introduce W5H2, a structured intent decomposition framework. Using SetFit with 8 examples per class, W5H2 achieves 91.1%+/-1.7% on MASSIVE in ~2ms -- vs 37.9% for GPTCache and 68.8% for a 20B-parameter LLM at 3,447ms. On NyayaBench v2 (20 classes), SetFit achieves 55.3%, with cross-lingual transfer across 30 languages. Our five-tier cascade handles 85% of interactions locally, projecting 97.5% cost reduction. We provide risk-controlled selective prediction guarantees via RCPS with nine bound families.