BILL MAHER: All right. Oh yes, okay, well the war, okay. So we are officially ended with Operation Epic Fury and now we have moved on to Project Freedom, which is also over. No, I’m not kidding.

Uh, that was… Project Freedom, that was our attempt to escort the ships through the Strait of Hormuz, where there are now 1,800 ships stuck. Last person who needed this many escorts was Hunter Biden. So.

But Iran, yeah, they are blocking the strait, and they say they’re going to collect tolls now of all the ships, and Trump is furious. Furious that he didn’t think of it first is what he’s…

So it’s a game of chicken, and Trump said he wants the Iranians to know America does not blink. Lose interest and wander away? Yes, we do that all the time, but we don’t blink!

But we kind of have to. We kind of have to, because we’ve apparently used up all our missiles. Yeah, not all, but our stockpile is greatly depleted. This is so ridiculous. America, the most strapped country in the world, ran out of bombs. It’s like Diddy running out of baby oil.

And. But let’s not be gloomy, it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday. Do you have mothers? I had one, it is very common. And of course, there’s a baby boom over at the White House. You know this, in the administration, a lot of people having babies over there. And for the press spokesman, you’ve seen her, Karoline Leavitt. Yes, she just, what time is it? She just had a baby, and they asked her, you know, are you excited to be a mom again?

And she said, what a stupid question, do your research. Of course, I’m excited to a mom.

Listen If you are old enough to be watching this show, you were born when your mother could have an abortion. She had the right to have an abortion. And that is not the case anymore, really, in a lot of this country.

So maybe when you write a card this year, say, thanks, Mom, you could have killed me and you didn’t.

Oh, and, uh… Speaking of killing apparently they found Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note. Yeah, apparently it was from the guy, his cellmate, who Epstein says tried to kill him. But he’s the guy who found the note.

And it says, “They investigated me,” and then in all caps it says “found nothing, three exclamation points!!!”.

Who does that sound like? I can’t quite place it. I’m not suspicious, but the note does end by saying “Thank you for your attention to this matter!”.

All right. Okay, good news for Gen Z, we may be wearing masks again. Well, because you heard about the cruise ship? There’s a cruise ship out there that has hantavirus, which is probably just as nasty.

Three people have died, hantivirus. And the first report said there was a flight attendant who got it from the passengers. Boy, suddenly Spirit doesn’t sound that bad, does it?

But, no. But no, the flight attendant tested negative, which is good news, because it would be ironic if the flight attendant had hantavirus and the cure was peanuts.