BILL MAHER: Finally, New Rule: Let’s get real about Graham Platner.

If you’ve been sleeping on politics lately, well, who can blame you? But the big story is the Democrats can likely take back the Senate in November if they win Maine. Their local candidate — now official after the primary this week — let’s just say has a backstory that screams “Don’t elect.”

Now, I don’t judge Graham Platner because I’m just learning who he is. Problem is, so is he.

What I do know is he served his country in the Marines in war, and you can never discount how big that is. But then there’s the sexting while married, scary behavior according to some of his exes, old posts about how he’s a communist and “all cops are bastards” and “Black people don’t tip.” Well, they don’t tip cops — I can understand that.

Here’s a typical Platner quote he said about the Iraq War: “You can think it’s dumb and also kind of not want to miss it.” Oh Graham, I feel the same way about so many things — the Oscars, Christmas, Taylor Swift’s wedding, that little speech Nicole Kidman gives before the movie comes on where she looks insane.

And then of course, there’s the Nazi tattoo on his chest. I mean, seriously, this guy’s whole life is the movie *The Hangover*. He doesn’t need a term in the Senate — he needs a gap year in Costa Rica.

And yet, I would still urge the folks in Maine to vote for him for two reasons. One: We need to restore balance in our government, and a Democratic Senate would help a lot with that. And two: Get used to it. America is a country filled with a lot of broken, horribly educated, phone-addicted, sort of nutty people. And as long as we live in a representative democracy, we are always electing our reflection in the mirror.

I wish the tattoo was the scariest thing about Platner. It’s not. That would be his solution to a home invasion, which is to rape the home invader. And no, of course that’s not policy he’s proposing. It’s a fantasy his ex says he talked about. Next week it’ll be policy.

And to be fair, he said the raping wasn’t something he’d do in a gay way, because that would be weird.

Okay, this is the kind of thing war does to people. That’s who we created. Our society isn’t healthy. We create broken people, so don’t expect politicians to suddenly become Lincoln-esque again.

Tom Kean Jr. is running in New Jersey despite the fact that he’s gone completely missing for the last three months. No, Biggie, he says in the future he’ll be completely transparent. Tom — completely transparent is what you are now. Are you okay, Tom? Are you curled up in a ball?

And he’s favored to win because I’m just guessing a lot of people say, “Hey, we’ve all been there.”

Oh, there’s gonna be more bad tweets from candidates that haven’t aged well, more bad tattoos. Did Platner know the tattoo was a Nazi symbol when he got it? Maybe. But people today are so inundated with misinformation and internet bullshit, I wouldn’t trust he knew what it stood for anyway.

Everything people know now is from social media and shitposting and whatever some other idiot sends them, or whatever the Chinese are feeding them on TikTok.

Every single violent actor in the last five years, from Trump’s assassin to Luigi, has prompted a headline that said some version of “Experts find markers of both right and left-wing political views.” Yeah, because we have a new breed of voter today: people who are intensely political but somehow know almost nothing about politics.

Liberal, conservative — I don’t know what makes you either one. Conspiracy theories? That they know. And memes and trolling? That also might be true.

Marine Galindo is a Democrat who ran for the House in Texas this year. Describes herself as a “judgment-free sex therapist.” I hope so. Who wants a judgy one? What would that be? “Well, plainly, your dick’s too small.”

Okay, so she’s judgment-free. Namaste. But she’s also said during the campaign she wants to turn the ICE detention center in her district into a prison for Zionists and ICE officers. But she says putting Zionist billionaires in prison doesn’t mean putting all Jews in internment camps. So, a moderate.

I guess she thinks she’s progressive because hating ICE — okay, check — and hating Jews — sure, that’s progressive now. But concentration camps? I associate that more with conservatives. Is that just… crazy.

It’s just not a deal breaker anymore for running or serving.

The Secretary of Health keeps a freezer full of roadkill. Even the worm in his brain is like, “I’m not eating that.”

I mean, our current president just speaks out loud his internal monologue. You know what the internal monologue is, right? It’s just that stream of thoughts that we all have pouring through our heads all the time — and that we all edit. We edit our thoughts. We don’t just fling all of our feces. We have a strait of Hermès between our brain and our mouth where we don’t let everything through. But not the president of the United States.

**AUDIO CLIP OF TRUMP:**

“You’re either crooked or you’re stupid.”
“I am the chosen one.”
“Who knows better about surprise than Japan?”
“You’re just a lightweight.”
“You’re a terrible person.”
“I don’t like mosquitoes.”
“He’s a war hero ’cause he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured.”
“Quiet, baby. I know you’re not thinking. You never do.”
“Hey, I’m president. Did you believe it?”

**BILL MAHER:** Look, politics has always been a crazy game, but the people running weren’t this crazy.

My winner though this year: Victor Marx. Yeah, I just heard it from Rachel. Victor’s a Christian minister who may soon be governor of Colorado and who performs exorcisms over the phone — which I think gives the devil an unfair edge.

“The power of Christ compels you… Shit, I’m in a tunnel.”

Victor Marx says things out loud that he just seems to have hallucinated, the way AI does sometimes when it tells you that the key ingredient in fettuccine is glue.

Victor says he rescued 45,000 people from predators — which is about 45,000 more than anyone can verify. He says he called in an airstrike that killed 70 ISIS fighters — which is impressive considering at the time he wasn’t in the military. He says he was forced to kill a man when he was seven. And when a reporter asked, “Do you think you’ve killed people as an adult?” his answer was, “Does it matter?” I think it does.