Earlier this year, I woke up with a splitting headache.

I was hungover from a very fun murder mystery party in which I was the secret, fictitious murderer. The party was hosted by a really awesome friend, but I really didn’t know anyone else there. Facing 30 or more strangers is something very stressful for me and I have historically found alcohol to be a great social lubricant that turns me into a fun, outgoing, social teddy bear of a person.

This is not a new pattern. Pretty much my entire adult life has been a conflict between wanting to do social things, especially as a public speaker, and getting extremely anxious about social situations and meeting people for the first time. Each time, I turned to drinks to get me through it. Heck, at some points in my life this became what I was known for – the guy who could pound a lot of drinks or shots and remain upright and party-worthy until early in the morning. Plus, I never got sick and rarely suffered a hangover.

Getting Older Sucks

But that started to change in my 40s. I kept up with the same habits and patterns from my earlier days but my body was like, uh, no sir, we ain’t doing that again. I started making poor decisions at social events because my limit was significantly reduced from what I’d remember it to be. I’d feel like crap for multiple days after drinking. And at the murder mystery party, I blacked out and had to be carried to the car and driven home by my spouse after being sick.

That’s embarrassing! And it’s not fair to my partner, to the party hosts, or to the party guests who were searching for the fictitious murderer. It’s just bad all the way around.

I thought a lot about what to do. Did I really need to drink? No, I supposed not.

It’s not all that important, really, and these days it’s much more socially acceptable to abstain from drinking than when I was growing up. I mean, it used to be that not drinking at a party would brand you as an outcast and freak. People would get upset. But now days you can find non-alcoholic stuff on the menu, such as sodas and “mocktails”, with regular frequency. So, no, drinking wasn’t a mandatory thing anymore from a social perspective.

Committing to Change

On May 1st, 2025, I started my official run into prolonged sobriety. Any chemical influence besides caffeine has been banned from consumption, which these days includes CBD and THC. I don’t even take Ibuprofen or Tylenol anymore, and not because I believe all the medical fakery on the news, but because I just don’t want much of anything floating around in my bloodstream anymore.

For the first three weeks, things were extremely challenging. I wouldn’t consider myself an alcoholic or anything, but I certainly consumed and smoked a lot of various legal substances on the regular. Going cold turkey meant deep headaches, dark depression, and most of all, extremely vivid nightmares.

I had trouble sleeping and would wake up in a cold sweat, terrified, still believing that some horrible thing had happened until I was calm enough to remember that it had been a nightmare. This part sucks, but I had done enough research to realize that it was going to happen, so I was at least somewhat prepared for it and knew it was “normal.”

Then, the nightmares stopped and for the first time in literally years I had a great night’s sleep. The first three weeks were over and done! And it was like the weather outside went from dark and stormy to bright, sunny, and beautiful. Years of sludge had been processed and removed from my system.

I was just … me.

And it felt frickin’ awesome.

Staying the Course

Every morning, I write down how many days in a row I’ve remained sober on my Kurzgesagt calendar. Every evening, I check off that day to signify that I’ve completed the day successfully. I use a random whiteboard marker because that is mounted next to the calendar – the colors have no meaning.

Today will make 183 days, which is half a year. I do not have a goal number of days in mind. I’m not sure how many days I will reach. I just wake up, write another number, check off a day, and go to sleep at night.

After 1 month of sobriety, I bought this coin to put on my desk. It has a lovely picture of a tree etched on the front, and a reminder to grow strong on the back. Given my love of organic gardening, I thought this to be a relevant reminder of my journey.

When I go to social events, I put it in my pocket and bring it with me. Being able to grip the coin in my pocket gives me strength. It reminds me that I’m choosing this path. That I’m in control. It nudges me to get a water or a soda when I’m talking to friends over cocktails or dinner.

Over time, social events have become way more INTERESTING and FUN. I’m much less stressed out, much less anxious. I don’t need anything more than myself! It’s a different experience, for sure, but one that I now prefer.

Temptation

Every once in a while, especially when I’m not having the best day or feel a little bored, I’ll remember life before sobriety. It will call to me, like a gentle tug. Like a whisper, promising great things. I don’t feel this way often, but it does happen like once or twice a month. But I love my ritual with the numbers on the calendar, and I like the “BIG NUMBER GET BIGGER” feeling, so I stay the course.

The calendar ritual has become part of who I am and what I choose to do. Even when I took A Summer Road Trip I didn’t stray from the path. I just came home and updated the calendar to the current date, and continued on.

Parting Thoughts

For me, having a ritual and a physical token are enough because those things dovetail well into my personality. I know what makes me tick. 😉

It took a really low point, the murder mystery party, for me to finally clean up my shit. I think that’s normal? We need something to punch us in the face sometimes to really prioritize change. Just know that you’re not alone if you’re facing this, that other people (like myself) deal with drinking and smoking and other things as well, and that even with weeks of nightmares and withdraw symptoms to deal with, getting rid of a bad habit that is slowly killing you is WORTH IT.

I recommend everyone watch these alcohol and weed videos to learn more about the science behind these choices.

~

Peace and love, friend.

✌️ & 🩵