With Sir Keir Starmer in Evian, enjoying a likely last few days of prestige, we were down to the scrapings for PMQs. Deputy Prime Minister David Lammy faced Claire Coutinho, the Conservatives’ Energy spokesman. Her specialist subject is the oil sector and she made repeated mentions of Aberdeen, where, quite by chance, a by-election is happening.

‘Oil, Aberdeen, oil, Aberdeen,’ said Ms Coutinho, or something like that. It was not subtle. Tory strategists must think the Granite City is full of swing voters who sit at home at midday on Wednesdays simply to watch parliamentary TV.

When ‘Calamity Lammy’ last stood in for Sir Keir at PMQs there was a rolling farce when his people realised he was not wearing a Remembrance Day poppy. Things went more smoothly this time for the burly bungler, although he looked nervous when he arrived at 11.58am. He was clutching his ministerial folder hard to his chest, determined it should not be taken from him. A spaniel with its ball.

Many people were wearing white roses in memory of Jo Cox, the Labour MP who was murdered in June 2016. Her family was upstairs in a gallery to hear tributes. The roses looked real but they were made of silk. This was lost on Victoria Atkins, who spent several minutes sniffing her rose in apparent puzzlement.

Ms Coutinho went drilling. Why was Labour happy to let us use Russian or Qatari oil and gas but not extract our own fossil fuels from the North Sea? Mr Lammy told her: ‘Don’t believe everything you read in the papers.’ It was an odd thing to say because Ms Coutinho had not yet referred to any newspaper reports. She did later, mind you, when she mentioned stories about Ed Miliband refusing to speak to Sir Keir. ‘Stop reading the papers,’ said Mr Lammy a second time, glad finally to have used his pre-scripted evasion in the correct place. He did it with the satifaction of a jigsaw puzzler finally finding the correct piece for an annoying hole.

Repartee between Mr Lammy and Ms Coutinho was not rapier-like. Each combatant took time to rise to the despatch box. A further pause ensued as they located the correct place in their notes. Punch lines were produced at gluey pace. Of Mr Miliband, since you ask, there was no sign. Achilles was in his tent.

Ms Coutinho, still talking about Aberdeen, said oil workers were losing their jobs and faced 50 per cent pay cuts if they acccepted work in eco-friendly industries. This allowed her to add that if Andy Burnham becomes PM, ‘I’m pretty sure half the government front bench are going to be getting a pay cut pretty soon’.

That prospect of imminent sacking caused mayhem on Cabinet ministers’ faces. Anna Turley, minister without portfolio, bit her lower lip. Bridget Phillipson, Education Secretary, scowled so much that she gave herself a coughing attack. The Chancellor, Rachel Reeves, flared her nostrils. Paymaster General Nick Thomas-Symonds stared sadly at the middle-distance. Dan Jarvis, the new Defence Secretary, narrowed his eyes like a man whose neighbour had just let rip.

The only one to laugh was the leader of the Commons, Sir Alan Campbell. It’s all very well for him. He’s an old-age pensioner.

The Speaker encouraged MPs to be kind to one another in memory of Jo Cox but that did not stop repeated rancour, much of it exaggerated. ‘Apologise! Shame! Say sorry!’ cried Labour MPs at two Opposition men who were deemed to have offended convention. Sarah Owen (Lab, Luton N), who often seems in the most terrible bate, became greatly vexed that Reform’s candidate in the Makerfield by-election had ‘failed to apologise to National Treasure Carol Vorderman for endorsing sexually explicit comments about her’.

It grieves me to report that this won a loud bark of laughter from some Left-leaning scribes in the press gallery. I will not name them lest Ms Owen sets about them with her furled umbrella.