One of Starmer’s achingly cool TikTok advisers has put together a film of him showing world leaders around No 10.

But did anyone do their due diligence on the lyrics on the background music?

The track in question is House Tour by the American pop star Sabrina Carpenter, which has been described as ‘arguably Sabrina’s most provocative song yet’.

It’s ostensibly about inviting someone home after a date but Carpenter soon starts to pile on the sexual innuendo.

‘Do you want the house tour?’ she sings, ‘I could take you to the first, second, third floor.

‘And I promise none of this is a metaphor.

‘I just want you to come inside.’

Ursula von der Leyen, president of the European Commission, and France’s Emmanuel Macron are among the first dignitaries to feature in the TikTok video.

Quite what they’ll make of the choice of soundtrack remains to be seen.

Former Tory MP Edwina Currie was equally unimpressed by Brown’s return: ‘Breaking – Harold Wilson to be exhumed and appointed Deputy Prime Minister.’

You can’t say the Tories didn’t roll out the big names last week.

On election day itself, residents of the pretty Thameside village of Wargrave were surprised to open their front doors to ex-PM Theresa May, also their former MP, encouraging them to head to the polls.

The charm offensive paid off – Conservative Leon Cook won the Wokingham Borough Council ward by just 18 votes.

No wonder we’re all so Browned off

Andrew Neil sums up brilliantly, as ever, the idiocy of bringing back Gordon Brown.

After Starmer’s announcement on X that the former Labour PM will be his new special envoy on global finance, Neil posted: ‘You really have lost the plot. If Gordon Brown is the answer, what was the question?’

Following the Daily Mail’s report of Angela Rayner’s boozy night at the Commons last month, Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg invited GB News viewers to solve the great question of our age: ‘Is Angela Rayner drunk better than Keir Starmer sober?’

Voters would prefer a night out with Ange. ‘It just adds to the feeling that she’s a character in a world of grey and dull politicians,’ the former Tory Cabinet minister observed.

Rayner’s favourite drink? She serves a homemade ‘Venom’ cocktail made up of vodka, Southern Comfort, WKD Blue and orange juice. It’s so lethal that one Labour councillor ended up snoozing in the former deputy PM’s dog basket.

He's a prime Malvolio

Historian Dr David Starkey has the measure of Starmer. ‘As a schoolboy I once played Malvolio in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night; the pompous steward of Olivia’s household.

‘I completely misunderstood the role and didn’t realise I was having the piss taken out of me for the entire play, which made for an excellent performance,’ he says. ‘I cannot think of a better parallel for Sir Keir Starmer’s time in office. Vain and oblivious, he stumbles and stutters his way through his premiership.’

Sir Keir Starmer is not only in trouble with his backbenchers – support in his constituency of Holborn & St Pancras is collapsing. Richard Olszewski, Labour leader of his local Camden Council, lost his seat last week, and votes cast in council wards in his constituency show our PM’s 11,572 majority in 2024 would have been cut to less than 2,000 votes. The Greens have made his seat one of its top ten targets.