Here on the sinking liner, some ministers are fighting for a place in the lifeboats. Since the MV Starmer hit the iceberg on Monday a few stoical souls have stayed on the bridge. For others, SOS meant ‘save our skins’.

Rachel Reeves tossed her hairdo to one side as she sashayed to the British Chambers of Commerce conference. She announced – hold the front page – that she was supporting Andy Burnham to become PM. Her face was a rictus grimace as she boasted how well she knew ‘Andy’.

Stretcher bearers for Ms Reeves!

In the Commons, Darren Jones was more rueful and decent. Chief Secretary Jones, 39, was first mate to Sir Keir and the Government’s best parliamentary debater. There was even a rumour he would stand for the Labour leadership.

He put a stop to that and now said: ‘I am starting to prepare myself for a quieter life. My team and colleagues have been proud to serve the Prime Minister and we wish his successor well.’

His Tory shadow, Alex Burghart, started praising Mr Jones. Speaker Hoyle told Burghart to stop being wet, or words to that effect. Mr Burghart is clever but I wish he would stop holding out his arms as if measuring a mackerel.

Sir Keir had gone to the cinema in Buckinghamshire (the visit, one should explain, was to promote his summer VAT cut to family outings). David Lammy, who is not expected to continue as Deputy Prime Minister under Mr Burnham, flew to Poland for a Ukraine recovery conference. Gdansk for the memories.

Who else will be sacked? This is all you hear discussed at Westminster. Ministers think it helps their case if they can point to recent activity. James Frith, minister for digital government, sat and sat on the front bench but nothing came his way. Finally someone asked him a question and he leapt up with excitement, saying ‘a batsman needs runs!’ Mr Frith has a seat in Manchester. He should be okay.

Runs help; smashed stumps, less so. What will Camp Burnham think of Bridget Phillipson’s rumpus with Kemi Badenoch after PMQs?

It won Mrs Badenoch oodles of news coverage and reminded the world of Scary Bridget’s policies, which Mr Burnham is said to doubt. Medical swabs for Sister Bridget, please.

Paymaster General Nick Thomas-Symonds, who led the Starmer government’s discussions with the EU, sat on the front bench in a slump. By contrast Angela Eagle, security minister, looked skittish. She’s that one who could be Keith Chegwin’s slightly less entertaining sister. She was wearing a necklace. First time I have seen her so adorned.

Ms Eagle carefully noted that she was a minister at the start of the Blair government in 1997, when minister for canals. Mr Burnham was merely a Labour aide at that time. There is little Angela does not know about muddy bottoms and leaky sluices. Might this remarkable survivor finally make it to Cabinet? Could you become Mr Burnham’s Chief Whip?

Anna Turley, chairman of the Labour Party and a Cabinet Office minister, spoke of ‘talent pipelines’ and ‘career pathways’ and ‘north-west bootcamps’. You would not sell her life insurance at present.

The other minister on the front bench was Chris Ward, who did a year as Sir Keir’s parliamentary private secretary – he was good at it – before he became a minister. Mr Ward is clever but the Commons does not bring out the best in him. He blushes, gesticulates too much and has not yet mastered the art of the non-answer.

In the Lords, meanwhile, there are concerns for Lord Stockwood, a trade and Treasury minister. He’s the one who stood near Rachel Reeves on Budget Day 2025 and couldn’t be bothered to wear a tie. On Wednesday he came a frightful cropper during committee stages of the Financial Services and Markets Bill. He didn’t seem to have a clue what he was on about, and peers noticed. Body bag for M’Lud Stockwood, please.