Dear Vanessa,

My parents are both in their late 70s and recently asked me to start managing their finances. My dad has just been diagnosed with dementia, and he has always been the one who handled everything.

Mum can still manage the day-to-day bills, but when it comes to their investments and shares, she feels completely out of her depth.

Now they're both looking to me to take over.

The problem is, I don't feel equipped at all. I've always just managed my own money, and even that feels like I'm learning as I go. This feels like a whole different level.

I'm also an only child, so there's no one else to share this with. It all falls on me, and I'm worried about making a mistake that could affect their future.

I want to help, but I don't know where to start or how to make sure I don't get it wrong.

Feeling the Pressure.

Vanessa says:

This is one of the hardest transitions a family can go through, and your situation adds another layer with your dad's diagnosis.

What's happening here is very common. One person manages the money, and when they can't anymore, it leaves a gap that feels overwhelming for everyone.

The good news is your mum can still manage the day-to-day. That's a strong foundation. Where you're stepping in is around the more complex side – investments, shares, and longer-term decisions.

And that's exactly where you should not try to do this alone.

Start by gathering everything you can on your parents' finances. Accounts, investments, superannuation and any paperwork your dad may have kept. Even if it feels disorganised, it gives you a clear picture of what exists and where things are.

Given your dad's diagnosis, it's also important to look at the legal side sooner rather than later. Putting things like power of attorney in place now will make it much easier for you to act when needed.

It's also worth having an open conversation with your mum about how involved she wants to be. Even if she doesn't want to make the decisions herself, being included will help her feel more secure as things change.

Where this becomes much easier is when you have the right support around you.

You don't need to become an expert in shares or investments overnight. In fact, it's far better to have someone experienced helping guide those more complex decisions, so you're not carrying that responsibility on your own.

If you don't already have someone you trust, you can use my free service to connect with an adviser here.

Take your time to find the right fit. Ask how they charge, what they'll handle, and make sure you feel comfortable with them. The goal is to have someone who can step in on the technical side, particularly around investments, while you stay across the bigger picture for your parents.

You're stepping into something most people are not prepared for, especially as an only child. The pressure you're feeling is completely understandable.

But this isn't about having all the answers. It's about putting the right people around you, so your parents are supported and you're not doing it on your own.

All the best, 

Vanessa.