'There was a time I wanted to die because it felt that would be the only way to get away from him,' the mother-of-two murmured. 'I felt trapped.'
Strangers on the street would come up to Lucy Godley, spotting her bruised body and ask her if she was ok.
Neighbours called the police when they heard him strangling her and throwing her around, but the monster who lived in her house had manipulated the 29-year-old into lying to the police.
When the abuse become so violent she knew that her partner, Ben Siddle, 27, would one day kill her, Lucy decided she needed to leave to save her children, if not herself.
So Lucy began sending her mother pictures of her wounds when Siddle lost his temper, punching and kicking her.
She immediately deleted them from her phone, knowing that Siddle would check it later, and began a year long log of the horrors he was inflicting upon her until she knew she could go to the police with enough evidence that he would be locked away.
Earlier this month, Siddle was found guilty of 10 accounts of domestic violence and sexual assault and has been jailed for 23 years.
The heart-warming moment Lucy's friends come to tell her the verdict was captured on her ring doorbell, which saw her sobbing into their arms as they jumped for joy.
Mother-of-two Lucy Godley, 29, survived horrific domestic abuse at the hands of her partner, which saw her be strangled, kicked and suffocated
Ben Siddle, 27, was found guilty of three counts of actual bodily harm, three counts of penetration, two counts of assault by beating, one count of witness intimidation and one count of criminal damage
The heart-warming moment Lucy's friends come to tell her the verdict was captured on her ring doorbell, which saw her sobbing into their arms as they jumped for joy
The string of charges against Siddle included three counts of actual bodily harm, three counts of penetration, two counts of assault by beating, one count of witness intimidation and one count of criminal damage, which took place between August 2021 and October 2023.
‘I feel like I can exhale for the first time in five years,’ Lucy, from Portsmouth, said.
TV personality Vicky Pattison joined in the celebrations by commenting on the mother's emotional post of the footage: ‘Sobbing... you beautiful, brave woman. I hope you find your peace’.
Siddle was found guilty of kicking Lucy with steel cap boots while she was pregnant, as well as throwing a diffuser at her and pouring the contents on her face, causing it to burn.
He also threw her phone against the wall causing damages to her home, sent abusive messages to her, punched her, grabbed her neck and bit her.
The monster went on to sexually assault her after these attacks and sent her messages asking her to retract her statement she gave to police.
As well as his sentence, he has been given a restraining order and will be placed on the sex offender registry indefinitely.
Lucy, who now suffers from severe anxiety, depression, CPTSD and dissociation, told the Daily Mail that plumber Siddle had been 'lovely' at first and 'was a really nice guy who was so good to my son'.
Lucy, whose weight fell to a startling six stone while in her abusive relationship, said she felt 'trapped' but knew she had to leave to protect her children
‘I feel like I can exhale for the first time in five years,’ Lucy said, finally free from the clutches of a monster
Siddle would baselessly accuse Lucy of infidelity which would then lead him to abuse her
But nearly a year after they met, Lucy, who works as a carer, fell pregnant with their daughter in May 2021, which she said was when the abuse started.
Over their two and a half year relationship, Siddle had gaslit Lucy into being terrified that her children would be taken away because he would tell social services that she let them live in these conditions with him and would not be seen as a fit mother.
'It's silly now when you know that that wouldn't have happened but he was so convincing.'
Lucy, whose weight fell to a startling six stone while in her abusive relationship (compared to her healthier nine stone now), added that he would say his family members who work in the police and social services would help him 'get away with what he'd done'.
'I think my whole hometown knew I was being abused, I'd get strangers coming up to me on the street asking if I was okay. I was just walking around with huge bruises,' she added.
Lucy explained that it is very hard to prove abuse and sexual assault and was only able to discuss with the Daily Mail the examples which Siddle was found guilty of.
But her meticulous collection of times he abused her even impressed the police when she finally went to them - 'I just knew he would be released if I didn't have these pictures.'
In August 2021, Siddle accused a pregnant Lucy of their baby not being his and 'he threw [Lucy] to the floor and began kicking [her] - he was wearing his work boots at the time'.
Siddle strangled Lucy in August 2023 while holding their daughter in his other hand and dragged her by the hair up the stairs as she tried to escape
Siddle had manipulated Lucy into being terrified that her children would be taken away because he would tell social services that she let them live in these conditions with him and would not be seen as a fit mother
'He punched me repeatedly on my arms and legs, he then bit them. He strangled me for about 20 seconds and when I was about to go unconscious he let go.
'Then he pulled me up by wrists and then banged them against the wall. My arm just looked broken.
'When I tried to push him off me he just bit me. And then when I tried to get away he smashed the mirror.
'That's when the neighbours called the police and he was arrested for criminal damage. But I put my dressing gown to cover the bruises, I was too scared to say anything.'
He forced her to do a pre-natal paternity test but despite the result proving he was the father, the abuse continued and 'escalated over several months'.
'That was when I first wanted to leave him but it was really complicated. He would love bomb me.'
Lucy said that since she suffers from seizures, if anyone ever asked why she had so many bruises, she would say they were from a recent episode.
In an argument over his infidelity in October 2022 - which Lucy said was recurrent and he would 'switch the script' by accusing her instead - Siddle threw a diffuser at her head, with the smashed glass cutting her face and chemical contents burning her skin.
'I fell to the floor, he strangled me, hit me, spit in my face... and then he sexually assaulted me,' she said.
In an argument over his infidelity in October 2022, Siddle threw a diffuser at Lucy's head, with the smashed glass cutting her face and chemical contents burning her skin
In the year leading up to telling the police, Lucy had begun sending photos as evidence of the abuse to her mother but deleting them from her end so that Siddle - who she said controlled her phone - wouldn't be able to see
The other charge of GBH against Siddle saw him smashing her arms into the wall in May 2023 after she said she had discovered he had been cheating.
'He went to punch me and I put my arms up to my head to cover my face. Then he kept punching my elbow and smashing it into the wall,' she said.
Siddle joined her to the hospital and even though she was pulled aside by doctors who asked if she was being abused, a 'furious' Siddle stormed their private room and ordered they leave.
She left without any treatment - it was only some years later that doctors confirmed she had leftover fractures in her arm that have been causing chronic pain, something she believes was caused by this instance of abuse.
Lucy was seven months pregnant when Siddle was sent to prison for around two months for an unrelated offence - during this time, she said his loved ones worked continuously to convince her to stay and that he would change.
The day Siddle was discharged, she said he accused her of cheating on him while he was behind bars - which she vehemently denied - and he proceeded to physically assault her.
Lucy's waters then broke two weeks early - she believes this was triggered by the horrific abuse.
Siddle then told Lucy she was being 'selfish' for going in to labour the day he got out of prison because 'he hadn't had a chance to sleep in his own bed'.
An hour after the midwife left from delivering Lucy's baby girl, Siddle began punching her, biting her and strangling her - again accusing the new mother of infidelity because 'the baby's hair was curly - it was obviously just wet'.
'The abuse got terribly worse once the baby was born, but it was so hard to leave,' she reflected.
Concerned neighbours would repeatedly call the police and Lucy would deny each time they visited she was being abused over the terror Siddle had instilled, but the abuse worsened because Siddle 'knew he was going to get caught soon'.
Siddle forced Lucy to leave the hospital before she could be treated for his abuse, leaving her with likely fractures that would go on to cause chronic pain
'But it got so bad I finally told the police because I knew the next time something happened he would kill me.'
In a distressing video captured on ring doorbell in August 2023, a panicked Lucy is talking on the phone while pacing in the hallway of her mother’s home.
The panicked parent then pulls down the back of Lucy’s top to show widespread red marks across her shoulders, which makes her step back in disbelief and cover her mouth in shock.
In the build up to this moment, Lucy had gone to collect her daughter from Siddle who was given permission to see the tot by family court.
Although she had bail conditions not to see him, Lucy allowed Siddle to use her flat to see their daughter as he was homeless at the time and she did not want him to take the baby to a hotel.
'I knew he was going to lock me in the flat but he refused to come downstairs to meet me with the baby,' she said.
'He opened the door while holding the baby because he knew I wouldn't leave her with him in a distressing situation.
'He had trashed my flat, knocked over a brand new cabinet. He locked the door behind me and began calling me a life-ruiner and a s**t.
'I took the baby from him and put her on the floor but he picked her up again and with his spare hand began strangling me. He kept calling me a s**t and accusing me of sleeping with multiple men.
'There was a black towel in the bathroom which the kids use to wipe their face after they brushed their teeth but he said the stains were other men's semen.
'He shoved it in my face while holding my daughter. He tried to suffocate me and I tried to get it off desperately.
In a distressing video captured on ring doorbell, Lucy's mother spots the marks on her daughter and pulls down the back of her shirt to reveal horrific marks and bruises
Lucy was left with bruises and scratches on her back in August 2023 after Siddle attacked her and accused her of infidelity
'I then ran to the window and called down to my stepdad, who was in the car, to call the police.
'I managed to run out the door and down the communal stairs but then he grabbed by hair and dragged me upstairs.
'Eventually I got away but that's me in the ring doorbell footage, covered in scratches on my neck and my back.'
Reflecting on his sentence, Lucy said it was 'amazing' to know he was safely behind bars, especially considering his long sentence which she 'was told would be unlikely as it's so hard to prove sexual assault'.
'It feels good to know that he can't hurt anyone else.'
She added: 'When I first left I still loved him and I was brainwashed... I didn't want him in prison, I just wanted to be safe, I wanted to allow him to be a good dad.
'But because he wouldn't stop and he was endangering our daughter I was given no choice. I'm not looking for revenge, I don't wish bad things on other people. At the same time I knew he'd hurt someone.'
Lucy explained that she sent her friends to hear the verdict and instructed the police that her loved ones be the ones to tell her the result as she expected the court to find him not guilty and would not want to hear the news over the phone.
'I knew my friends would look after me if that were the case.'
Instead - tears of joy and shouts of jubilation.
'I'm very lucky to have them. My friends and my mum have been my absolute rock.
'People always say its about me - and it is - but they don't talk about the effect on others: my mum's mental health, my friends have lost their appetite, they don't sleep, some had to leave the court room because they couldn't hear the details.
'This was a win for them too.'
Having suffered for years at the hands of violence, Lucy has written on social media how her 'body stiffens’ and ‘heart races’ if she hears any loud noises or raised voices now.
‘Any sort of unexpected physical touch can make me sick to my stomach, I know they mean no harm but it’s the touch that can trigger the disgusting unwanted hands I had on my body in the past,’ she added.
The mother lives with the ‘constant fear of being attacked, the house broken into or even set on fire’ and is ‘suspicious of everyone who walks past or even looks in my direction’.
Her pure terror is so extreme that she will often barricade the door and sleep with her children in her bed.
She wrote in an emotional post: '“Why didn’t you just leave” is one of the many infuriating things I get asked.
'The truth is the justice system/society fails. I have had more people blame me for being a victim of abuse than supporting me and holding my abuser accountable, that is the reality.
'I was a “psychopath” for going back to him through sheer fear rather than him being a psychopath for beating me.
'I “should have my children taken from me” rather than let’s help her and her children to safety, or “she obviously gets a thrill out of it” rather than she obviously needs help in order to get away and can’t do it by herself.'
Detective Constable Gemma Hodgkinson, from Winchester CID, said: 'Ben Siddle’s behaviour was abhorrent, and his actions left the victim living in fear for more than two years.
'I would like to commend the victim for coming forward to secure justice and to ensure that Siddle is off the streets and unable to treat other women this way.
'The woman was resilient and brave throughout the whole investigation, including the trial, and I hope this significant sentence allows her to try and move forward with her life.
'I hope this also encourages victims of similar offences to report to us and seek support. You will be believed and we will always carry out a thorough investigation to ensure offenders face the consequences of their actions.'
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, you can call can call The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time