Dear Vanessa,
My daughter is 31 and getting married next year. We are all very excited and have a wonderful relationship with her fiancé, but something has happened that has left me feeling unsettled.
They have been together for four years and seem happy. He works in finance and earns significantly more than she does. He already owns an investment property, has savings and investments and has done well for himself.
Recently, my daughter told me he wants her to sign a prenup before the wedding.
She says it is completely normal and practical and that lots of couples do it now, especially when people marry later in life and bring assets into a relationship. She told me not to take it personally and said it does not mean he loves her any less.
But I can't help feeling upset.
My husband and I have been married for 38 years and the idea of planning for divorce before you are even married feels wrong to me.
I worry my daughter is being asked to protect his future while risking her own. What happens if they have children and she takes time away from work? What if she supports him and contributes in ways that are not financial?
Money educator Vanessa Stoykov
I also worry that if she pushes back, it could create tension before the wedding.
My daughter thinks I am being old-fashioned and emotional.
Am I wrong to be worried?
Janine.
Dear Janine,
You are not wrong for worrying, and I think many parents reading this would understand exactly how you feel.
For your generation, marriage often came first and financial conversations followed. Today, many couples are entering relationships later with property, investments, businesses, inheritances and more complex financial lives.
That changes the conversation.
'The bigger lesson here is that money conversations before marriage are not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, avoiding them is often where problems begin,' says Vanessa Stoykov
A prenup, or financial agreement, is not automatically a sign someone expects the marriage to fail. For many people it is simply part of protecting assets they built before meeting their partner.
The more important question is not whether there is a prenup; it is whether it is fair.
Your concern about children is valid. One of the biggest financial shifts in relationships often happens when one partner steps back from work, reduces hours or takes on more caregiving responsibilities. Contribution is not only measured by income.
Raising children, supporting a family and helping build a life together all matter.
I would strongly encourage your daughter to get independent financial and legal guidance before signing anything. She should understand exactly what the agreement says, how it works and whether future life events have been considered.
This is also where good financial advice can be incredibly valuable. Conversations around property ownership, children, career breaks, inheritance and long-term goals can become complicated very quickly, and having an independent professional involved can help both parties feel heard and protected.
Finding the right adviser matters. You want someone who understands both the emotional and financial side of life decisions. If your daughter does not know where to start, I have a free adviser-matching service here which may help connect her with someone suitable.
The bigger lesson here is that money conversations before marriage are not necessarily a bad thing.
In fact, avoiding them is often where problems begin.
Marriage changes finances. Children change finances. Life changes finances.
Talking openly is not planning for failure; it is planning with clarity.
All the best,
Vanessa.
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