Last October, my mother walked into the family room of her rural North Carolina house and found my dad, her husband of nearly 60 years, sitting motionless in the recliner.
In the days that followed, as our family processed our shock and grief, we had to deal with some very practical issues, including money. As retirees, my parents had relied largely on their individual Social Security checks and his small pension to pay the bills. We assumed that, following my dad’s death, she could continue to draw income from those two sources. Plus, my mom had me—an estate and tax lawyer and journalist who has advised dozens of families and written extensively about Social Security—to help make sure the transition went smoothly.
Doris and Wayne Phillips, the author's parents, as newlyweds in 1968.
Courtesy the Phillips family
Instead, it took five months, numerous phone calls, letters and faxes and help from my mom’s Congressman, to get all of the Social Security she was owed. Along the way, we got contradictory answers from the Social Security Administration (SSA) on the phone and conflicting letters in the mail, including one advising my mom to call a toll-free number that was disconnected.
We also saw Social Security payments appear and disappear from her bank account and began to fear that her health coverage might lapse too, since she was paying her Medicare premiums (as the majority of seniors do) through deductions from her Social Security check.
Sadly, our experience was not all that unusual. Even as the number of Americans eligible for Social Security has been rising, the SSA has shed thousands of employees. After President Donald Trump set billionaire Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency loose on the federal workforce in January 2025, more than 7,200 positions were eliminated. Additional cuts have left the agency with just 52,045 workers as of January, down almost 20% over the last decade. (See chart.)
With automation, some functions still run smoothly. An SSA spokesman pointed to agency stats showing Americans are completing a growing number of transactions through online my Social Security accounts. But problems pile up when interaction with a human agent is required, as it is for survivor benefits.
Delays in the processing of survivor benefits can produce real hardship, considering the median retired widow or widower relies on Social Security for 75% of their total income. Compounding the problem: One thing the SSA does automatically (and quickly) is cut off benefits after notice of a death is received, usually from the funeral director. Eligibility is all-or-nothing for a month and benefits are paid in arrears.
So if a retiree dies on October 22, as my father did, SSA will typically pay the already-in-progress October benefit in mid-November, and then withdraw the money from the decedent’s account, even if it’s a joint account shared with a widow struggling to pay funeral expenses on top of normal bills.
My mother, Doris Phillips, 77, has lived in North Carolina her whole life. She has worked as a YMCA bookkeeper, church daycare director, and a drugstore cashier. Wayne, my late father, spent his entire career at DuPont, starting at the bottom in the 1960s as a fiber puller. They raised three children—two boys who joined the Navy as submariners and me.
When health problems forced Doris to quit working in her late 50s (she has survived two strokes, a bout with cancer, a nearly fatal liver puncture, and diabetes), she received Social Security disability benefits. Those were automatically converted into a smaller retirement benefit when she reached her full retirement age of 66. That makes my mother what is known in Social Security speak as a “dual eligible”—someone entitled to benefits both on her own work record and as a survivor.
When my father died last October, she became eligible to receive his $1,300-a-month higher Social Security check in place of her own smaller earned benefit. There is no online application for survivor benefits—those going to widows, widowers and minor children. To apply, you may need to present some original documentation (it varies, with circumstances) and will need to talk to a person on the phone or at a field office, which could mean a long wait.
Surviving spouses with their own earned benefits may choose to take only one check—either their own or their late spouse’s as a survivor benefit. (Widows who were receiving Social Security only as a spouse—a small and shrinking group—may be switched to their husband’s higher check automatically after he dies, though they should still call the SSA to make sure the death is reported, the switch is in process and to apply for a $255 one-time death benefit.)
About 95% of those over age 60 receiving survivor benefits are female, since women live longer on average and tend to be younger and have lower lifetime earnings than their spouses. Once a widow like my mom, who was receiving a Social Security benefit based on her own earnings, applies for a survivor benefit, her own monthly check is suspended.
That meant my mom stopped receiving her own earned Social Security check, but was not yet receiving my dad’s, a financially precarious position.
In the weeks following my dad’s death, my mother and I jointly contacted Social Security multiple times by phone, waiting to speak to human representatives and answering all their questions. One time, we asked for a callback from an agent and waited 3 ½ hours for that call. (The SSA reports that as of September, the average callback time was 62 minutes.)
On each call, my mom confirmed her identity and her contact information and that she was applying for a survivor benefit. Each time, she gave permission for the agency to speak to me, too. We were assured her application was in process, and during one call we were told it had already been approved. Another representative helpfully told us we could more easily check the status of my mom’s application through her my Social Security online account.
These accounts are helpful. You can, for example, request a replacement Social Security card and apply for regular retirement benefits online (provided your earnings history looks correct and you understand all the questions).
But my mother had a problem that other older recipients may face. The phone number associated with her account was a landline, not a cell phone number, since it was set up years ago. That meant that the verification process required a live video interview. My mom, who’s a world-class texter but intimidated by a laptop, struggled to follow some of the instructions, including holding her identification in front of the camera. Eventually, she was able to sign on, only to find that there was in fact no helpful information (such as the status of her application) in her account, although it did say—accurately enough—that she was currently not receiving any benefits.
Then, on December 2, yet another phone representative told us we’d been misinformed by the previous reps and that my mom needed to schedule an appointment at the Social Security field office in North Carolina, even though she was then staying with me in Pennsylvania.
At this point, with my mother receiving neither her own earned check nor survivor benefits, we started to get really worried. Sure, the interruption of my mom’s main income was upsetting, but unlike some widows, she did have kids who could help temporarily with her cash flow.
The bigger issue: Her medical coverage was being put at risk, because her premiums for Medicare Part B (covering doctors visits and hospital outpatient services) were being automatically deducted from her Social Security checks. If premiums are not paid, coverage can lapse, leaving gaps in care along with late-enrollment penalties if you try to re-enroll. My mom requires regular visits to specialists, is routinely tested to make sure that her cancer hasn’t returned, and had just fallen, requiring a visit to the emergency room, also covered by Part B.
Fearing the medical bill mess that might result if this dragged on, we reached out to the office of Rep. David Rouzer, a Republican who represents North Carolina’s 7th Congressional district, where my mother lives. Members of Congress and their staff regularly provide constituent services—helping people in their district deal with federal agencies such as the SSA, IRS, Veterans Affairs, and immigration services. Constituents are usually asked to sign a privacy release and then the congressional staff reaches out to the agency directly—often through a dedicated liaison channel maintained specifically for congressional inquiries, which can mean a faster resolution.
After Rouzer’s office reached out on my mom’s behalf, she received a single text on December 5 from Social Security, stating that the agency had scheduled a December 24 appointment at her local Social Security office. She wasn’t asked about her availability or given any appointment options. Still, knowing that the process of getting an appointment usually takes longer, we didn’t complain. Social Security data released by Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) last September showed that 57% of those seeking an in-person appointment had to wait for more than 28 days. (The SSA requires an appointment for field office help, except in “urgent” circumstances.)
Anyway, my mom already planned to head home to North Carolina for Christmas. Then, another wrinkle. Just before Christmas, President Trump announced that federal workers would be given Christmas Eve (December 24) off, which was a departure from previous years. It was not clear whether Social Security offices would be open, and the agency’s website did not provide a clear answer. Just to be certain, we called the office to confirm and were told it would be open. On the day of the appointment, Social Security staff confirmed my mom’s identity, reviewed her information, and advised her she would receive her benefits. Ironically, when she got home, there was a voicemail message canceling the appointment.
After the appointment, my mother received two letters from Social Security, dated December 18 and December 20. The first said the agency could not pay her benefits; it did not explain why. The second said the agency could not pay her benefits because it did not know her whereabouts (even though she’d had the same address for half a century). Since the window to appeal such decisions is only 60 days, I sent a formal request for reconsideration (on form SSA-561-U2) on December 29, via fax and the postal service. (Sometimes, having a lawyer as a daughter comes in handy.)
The next day, on December 30, a payment arrived. It was a lump sum covering the benefits that had not been paid since my father’s death. In February, a regular monthly payment (covering January) arrived. Through Congressman Rouzer’s office, we received confirmation that her benefits were in “current pay” status and that future payments were scheduled.
Story over? Not yet. On February 19, another letter from SSA arrived, stating: “We need to talk with you about your Social Security monthly benefit payment for 11/2025, which was recently returned. We must stop your payments until we can determine why that payment was returned.”
The letter advised my mom to call a toll-free number. The number was disconnected, and we couldn’t figure out what payment the letter was talking about.
We contacted Rouzer’s office again. And we waited another month. On March 23, we received an update through the congressional office: My mother’s benefits had been fully reinstated.
No one told us why her benefits had been denied in December. No one explained why the agency said it did not know her whereabouts. No one clarified why payments were stopped in February or why they told us to call a phone number that did not work. We didn’t receive any follow-up from Social Security. If not for Congressman Rouzer’s office, we would not have known what was happening at all.
It’s hard to say why we got such inconsistent answers. The SSA reports it has reduced long wait times to talk to a human on the phone, with 77% of callers getting through after an average wait time of eight minutes as of February. Some of that improvement, according to the SSA Inspector General, results from the SSA pushing the option of getting a phone call back, which it counts as a call answered, with zero wait time. But the SSA has also shifted employees from other functions to the phones, which Warren and other Senate Democrats claim has left undertrained reps answering the phones and field offices even more understaffed.
Social Security survivors benefits are designed to provide stability at a moment of loss. And for many people, they do. But as my mom’s experience shows, these days, with the SSA struggling, some beneficiaries are being put through months of confusion and financial uncertainty.
My mom is grateful that this issue is (hopefully) finally behind her, so that she can begin the work of settling into a new normal after my dad’s death. Having gone through the process alongside her, I find myself wondering: If it took five months with an attorney daughter, and a few nudges from Congress to resolve, how are other widows across the country managing?
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