Not The Cool Kids

The United States and Australia, while prominent in the overall global order, are decided soccer outsiders.

Sure, American fans are far more courted by the game’s global elite. But that’s only because it’s easier for Manchester United to sell overpriced summer friendlies when there are 350 million – rather than 30 million – potential suckers out there.

We both started the 20th Century daring to go against the grain focus on other sports, even those where you look silly holding a stick. We each dared to create our own kinds of football and thus share the cardinal sin of calling this version “soccer.”

It’s not identical exactly; Players on the American gridiron – particularly if they play for Penn State – look like the bad guys from Star Wars. Aussie Rules lads are almost clothed enough to enter a convenience store.

But it’s certainly parallel threads, right down to both nations seeing previous domestic leagues fail and launching new competitions. America’s MLS is still too young to run for president. Australia’s A-League is too young to affordably rent a car.

We both face structural obstacles as we try to play sporting catch-up with Europe and South America.

The United States generates real intensity from its rivalry matches with Mexico and more recently Canada. But overall, participating in CONCACAF does a poor job of preparing the States for competing on a global stage, and we often daydream about joining CONMEBOL in a “be careful what you wish for” kind of way.

Australia’s old situation was arguably even worse in Oceania, a reality that meant decades of staking their entire World Cup chances on an extremely fraught intercontinental playoff.

It was so bad that in 2006 the Socceroos finally bolted for the Asian Football Confederation to have a more manageable World Cup path and more competent regular competition.

And whenever we define “catching up to the rest of the world,” secretly we know we just mean England. Cursed by a common language, we worship the Premier League and the Three Lions as the epitome of “authentic” soccer culture, even ignoring the roots of our games in different expatriate communities.

Searching For Scorn

Maybe most similarly, because we’re insecure about how good we are (or aren’t), we function best when we’re the underdogs, and thus are endlessly searching for outside disrespect.

That’s the only explicable reason for Australians to be riled up by comments from a guy most American fans can’t pick out of a lineup, whose most productive season came for a club literally named the Rough Riders.

That’s also the most plausible explanation for U.S. boss Mauricio Pochetino’s embrace of The Miracle On Ice for inspiration. Nevermind that the 1980 American hockey team were literal amateurs, while the USMNT has an estimated squad value north of $400 million. And nevermind that in 1980, most Americans still agreed on hating the Russians.

Perhaps it adds an extra edge to Friday’s match, and that’s good for the neutral, because it could probably use it. Both sides are in pretty strong position after multiple-goal wins bolstered their group prospects. Both will like their chance to advance even if they lose in Seattle.

And maybe it will be the root of something longer-lasting that benefits both nations as they continue chasing that bigger prize of global relevance and respect. At least until one of us gets distracted by some new slight from the British.