The Blind Spot That Prevents CEOs from Achieving Emotional Mastery

Many people aren’t even aware when they are in a negative emotional state—whether they are angry, frustrated, annoyed, stressed out, or freaked out. That blind spot is the biggest hurdle to achieving emotional mastery for CEOs.

I was once doing an in-person coaching session with a new CEO when his assistant pointed me to the stoplight system she had implemented on her desk, just outside the CEO’s office. Red meant no one, not even his family, could bother him. Yellow, only if absolutely necessary. Green, open to interruptions. This system was designed to keep him from blowing up at people.

The stoplight system made the CEO’s attitude clear: people had to revolve around him. When I asked him about it, he said simply, “I’m the CEO, so people need to adjust to my style.” He exhibited a clear lack of self-awareness about his emotional state and its impact on others.

After some time working together, he committed to change. He apologized to his assistant and his top team and gave them full permission to stop him if he messed up in the future. Did that mean he would never blow up again? No. But the commitment to change was the starting point. Emotional mastery isn’t about being perfect; it’s about self-awareness, being a lifelong learner, and showing a willingness to change.

Practicing Emotional Mastery for CEOs

When we are in a negative emotional state, we relive mistakes, worry, and catastrophize about the future. A positive state looks completely different: maximizing energy, focusing on empowering thoughts, and visualizing success. The key to emotional mastery is learning to spend 80 percent of your time in the positive state. Here are three tools to get you there:

• Don’t decide from a negative place. When you are in a negative emotional state, don’t make a decision, pick up the phone, or try to problem-solve. Buy yourself time instead—say “let’s regroup later today” or “let’s get more facts before we meet again.” This keeps you from reacting and allows you to respond from your best self.
• Use PQ reps. A technique from the book Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine, PQ reps involve taking ten seconds to redirect your attention to the now—inhaling and exhaling with careful attention to your breath, or becoming attuned to the sounds around you. Done consistently, these mini mental exercises train your mind to stay present and positive.
• Practice the 5:1 ratio. Catch yourself and your top team doing things right every day—five positive acknowledgments for every piece of critical feedback. This counters your inner judge, builds self-confidence, and keeps everyone above the line.

Leading with Emotional Mastery

Success in emotional mastery for CEOs doesn’t mean having a smile plastered on your face 100% of the time. It simply means developing the mental fitness that allows you to show up in a positive emotional state most of the time (ideally, at least 80%), while enjoying the leadership journey moment by moment. It starts with recognizing your own blind spot and then committing to a change. As others follow your lead, your organization will change with you—a testament to the power of emotional mastery.