View of the reflection of wooden beams in a mirror. (Photo by Quick Image/Construction Photography/Avalon/Getty Images)

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Recently I had to have a small procedure at a hospital. As the technician was doing the prep work, he said to me, “What do you do now that you are retired?” I responded, “Who said I was retired?” I could tell he was surprised by my answer. He explained how he had seen my birthdate on the in-take form and assumed. Then he apologized and told me he will be more careful in the future with all patients.

My experience is an example of ageism, which is defined as a “broader set of stereotypes, prejudices, and attitudes (how we think/feel) about people based on their age.” Age discrimination is “the specific, actionable behavior or policy (how we act) that treats someone unequally because of their age.” In other words, ageism is the underlying belief, while age discrimination is the unfair actions and behaviors based on that belief.

As we age we are amazed that it could happen to us. ~Pir Elias Amidon

Ageism And Aging

I am sure you remember this phrase from the movie “Snow White”: Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who is the fairest one of all?" We often don't believe we will age until it happens to us. While we intellectually understand aging as a universal process, we subconsciously detach ourselves from the experience until we face reminders, such as physical decline, milestone birthdays, or societal changes. As we get older, society tends to start treating us differently. Women start feeling invisible and men begin feeling irrelevant once they’ve left their career. These feelings can become internalized, and we fall victim to ageism.

A few years ago, I interviewed Ashton Applewhite for my podcast “Becoming a Sage.” She is the author of “This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism.” Applewhite is on a mission to help people of all ages understand the harm ageism does to individuals, organizations, and society. She is out to debunk the myths associated with late life.

Applewhite is an activist who created a website devoted to the research on ageism called “Old School: A Hub for Equity + Ageism Awareness.” She wants to dismantle ageism and the destruction it does. To quote Applewhite, “It’s called, ‘who me, ageist?’ We’ve grown up with a lifetime of messages that old people are useless, so instead of thinking about the way we’re not ageist, we should think about the ways we are, the ways we have internalized ageism.”

Yes, ageism and age discrimination are real.

According to Applewhite, the essential first step is to look at your own attitudes about aging and your perspective of positive aging. She advocates that “aging is not a disease; it can’t be fixed.” We need to remember that we are all aging from the time we are born. But the messages we are bombarded with from an early age makes this hard to remember. Our culture idolizes youth and tends to focus on external aspects of ourselves—wanting us to stay thin and wrinkle free for as long as possible.

Are You Ageist? Probably! What To Do

I am ageist and I bet you are too. Internalized ageism is when cultural messages become embedded in how you think about yourself.

For instance, have you ever thought: “I’m less valuable because I am older,” “younger is prettier,” and “I’m too old to do that.” These thoughts shape your identity and affect what you do, say, or wear. Ageism is the voice in your head that makes you uncomfortable when you notice changes in your body.

Yes, I am ageist. I like to joke about how I think I look pretty good until I look in a magnifying mirror. I have said to friends, “It is a good thing our eyesight gets worse as we get older. And “Only take my photo from the waist up. I look better that way.” These are internalized ageist messages that are not helpful to me or to others.

Ageism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy if we let it. Ageism is sneaky and unconscious. It shows up in moments such as:

• Avoiding having your photo taken because you’re not happy with how you look now.
• Feeling frustrated with yourself when you can’t play the sport as well as you used to.
• Believing you need to maintain a certain weight or appearance to be considered stylish.
• Worrying that growing older means becoming less desirable, competent, or knowledgeable.

Shifting To A Positive Mindset

Deb Benfield, author of “Unapologetic Aging: How to Mend and Nourish Your Relationship with Your Body,” reminds us that we don’t need to fight or hide our age. We get to live it—fully, unapologetically, and without shrinking to fit someone else’s ideal. She says, “The research is clear—what we believe about our aging bodies shapes not just how we feel about ourselves, but how we live. And that means you have power here.”

Research shows “a positive attitude towards aging can make people feel younger and live longer.” Becca Levy, at the Yale School of Public Health in Connecticut, and author of Breaking the Age Code, found that “individuals with positive age beliefs lived on average seven and a half years longer than those with less positive perceptions on aging.”

After reading this article, are you ageist? I bet you are. Awareness is the first step to making change in your perceptions of aging. You have the power to change your attitude towards aging starting with how you feel about yourself. Here the focus is on the internal aspects of ourselves. I am working on this too so that I can feel younger and live longer.